Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

PATTERNS

I don't know where to start,
nor where to move,
My hands keep on shaking,
there's something i can't prove,

did you see the patterns?,
the set of events that happened?,
and the continous storm of emotions that I experience little-by-little,
The hardest thing to carry,
my sanity waves at me,

I know,
living like a robot was an interesting experience,
but having checked everytime you did something wrong was irritating,
And even smiling was hard to do, but still i am trying,
still no one tried to healp me out,
because they think I am disgusting,

Not too-deep words was used for the deepest meaning I wanted to say,
but sadly I forgot to write something for a month,
I was too busy to lay,
From the bed I wish was my last destination,
but how lucky I am!, I survived from the edge of dying inside!,

I can't tell how good or bad are we,
or should I day I wasn't that good in monitoring the things around me you see,
If I have the power to connect oneself in the environment,
I will waste it for some reason,
I don't know why,

Did you see the patterns that still bind us to death?,
The thing that keep me sinking in the middle of sadness,
it was my guilt that let me drown in my own tears,
sheds my entire faith,
That I carry for almost my last years,

Do we have to be stronger? When we already know that we can't do it forever?

Why we should stay in our feet?,
Even trying to accept all the hurt,
Just to make everyone fine,

Saying "I can't do it" was free,
and you should have a break,
Saying "I can't stay" wasn't a crime at all,
and doing nothing than doing something wasn't that worth it after all,

A short poetic lines for you,
I am sorry for not responding for a couple of days,
I was busy thinking about my life choices,
And Writing this book was an option,
and this is my life.

Can you see the patterns now?