Can't Stop Me (Sick!Deku AU)

It Wasn't A Win

"Night!" They both shouted it but their voices sort of meshed together into one. I took my dishes to the sink and washed the bowl out before going upstairs to my room, each step reminded me how much my legs burned from the day's activities. I'm not going to bed just yet of course but I needed to get out of there, that was the dumbest conversation I've ever had. How could either of them know what the fuck Deku is to me? I don't even know what he is to me...

I closed the door and clicked the dumb lock into place, it gets jammed sometimes but it doesn't get suck. I changed into my pajamas and picked my uniform and street clothes up, fuck they stink. I guess the Sports Festival was like an intense workout, I should shower but it's too much work. I ache. I carried the two outfits to my laundry bin and dumped them in, I'll deal with it tomorrow.

I keep asking myself if I really would have told Deku about my feelings for him if I'd won on my own merit but I can't seem to convince myself that I would. Am I just a pussy who can't talk to his childhood friend about his feelings? A buzzing noise from the pants pocket of my uniform got my attention and I realized I'd left my phone in it. I pulled my pants out of the bin and retrieved it, a message from Kirishima? And it's not in the group chat?

Kirishima: Hey dude how u doing?

Bakugo: I'm fine what the hell do you want?

Kirishima: I was just checking bro! u looked super scary at the awards ceremony

Kirishima: Why were u do mad anyway?

Kirishima: *so

I stared at our conversation, how am I supposed to reply? It's not like I can unload of Kirishima everything that I planned to do once I won. I knew I'd win, I knew from the start, I said if I won I'd get to tell Deku everything so there's no way I could lose. But it...still feels like I lost.

Kirishima: Hello???

Bakugo: You wouldn't understand.

Kirishima: Try me bro

Bakugo: I didn't win because I was the best I won because Half n Half quit. It's not the same.

Kirishima: How is it different tho?

Bakugo: See? You didn't understand dumbass.

Kirishima: Guess not

Kirishima: But u shouldnt yell at All Might for that

Bakugo: It wasn't just that. I'm going to take a shower so bye.

Kirishima: Well continue this talk in class!

I put my phone on its charger and sat down on my bed, the bounce the bed did hurt a little. I'll shower in the morning, probably. It's stupid, maybe if I just get it over with and tell Deku it'll all be over and everything will be fine. It's not like something bad will happen if I do, either he rejects me or he doesn't. There are only two possible outcomes and even if he does reject me I doubt we'll stop being close, a world where we aren't friends doesn't seem possible.

We've got the weekend off and I'm sure Monday will be spent talking about the Sports Festival, what am I going to do this weekend anyway? It's too soon for me to talk to Deku and it's not like I have many other options of friends to hang out with. I should talk to somebody, not dad though.

Dad freaks me out, it's like he can read my mind. He was right the last time we talked, I...like dudes. Not just any dude either, I think I like Deku. Though, I could just be confusing our friendship for feelings since he's my first ever friend, how do I make sure? It's probably a good thing that Half n Half gave up so I can make sure I do like him before telling him. I thought it would be like one of those dumb movies if I told him right after winning but then Half n Half ruined it.

Whatever, Deku and I have never done those things anyway. I guess we've had moments that could be plots in movies but it's not like that's what makes up our friendship. There are mundane moments too and a lot more arguments than movies have. I can tell him that I'm gay though, it's not that important and it'll make one less secret between us. It's not something I care about hiding, it's just a fact about me and it's going to be found out by people eventually anyway.

I don't like lying and hiding the truth is lying too. Deku can tell too, he's like a damn dog who can smell lies. I can tell when he's lying too but he just fucking sucks at lying and I'd like to think I'm okay at it. All this thinking about Deku is making me mad, this isn't what I wanted to think about tonight. But speaking of Deku, if All Might was presenting the awards that means he wasn't with the Midoriyas once again. I'm going to kick his teeth in.

I took my phone out and ignored the group chat messages and instead found All Might's contact, I had him named 'AM' which isn't that sneaky but it's better than nothing. My parents don't know about him training me but that's not why I keep it secret, if somebody steals my phone I'd rather not expose All Might's phone number. I should probably tell my parents about this situation but then again it's none of their damn business.

I thought for a little while about what to text, it might not be my place to go off on him for ignoring his girlfriend and Deku but who else would? Ms. Midoriya isn't going to because she lets people walk all over her and Deku probably doesn't even have his number because he never asked for it. I'm not about to become the family counselor to these idiots but I know what it feels like when a parent ignores you, even if All Might isn't Deku's dad he started to see him like that so All Might has to take responsibility for it and stop running.

I started typing in as angry a tone as I could, to be honest, I'm just tired. I want to feel angry that he ignored me when I told him Deku would feel hurt if he dipped but after everything that happened today I'm just drained. Emotionally for sure, it's kind of stupid to think about emotions but I really thought I'd talk to Deku about them and then I didn't. Then there's the physical aspect of today, the Sports Festival and the overuse of my quirk for the past few weeks. It's exhausting. Do arm massages exist? I should get one. If they don't exist I'm sure Deku could do one anyway, he's okay at massages but he's not really strong enough to do them properly.

I looked over the mile-long text message and fixed some spelling and grammar mistakes before hitting send. Besides Deku the people I talk to tend to send badly written messages, especially Soy Sauce Face, he's terrible with grammar and spelling. The friends I do have are also failing in class so maybe there's a correlation here? I would tutor them but I don't want to bring it up and my time is already limited because I have to train One For All every day. Well, except this weekend because All Might is giving me a break after the festival.

I waited for the message to say it sent and then turned off my phone and set it next to my bed. I stood up and stretched, my back protested for a second before it released whatever stress it was hanging onto. I always try to stretch after working out because otherwise, my muscles ache worse in the morning. I've never gotten drunk before but I refer to muscle aches when I don't stretch as hangovers.

It's been a long day, I hope I get to have a good dream. It's not like I'll remember it in the future but I'd like to have a good night after everything I suffered from today.