After You... (1st Draft)

Chapter 16 - The Getaway

There was no point in which I knew when that happened. When something shifted inside of me.

But here we were.

I took a long moment with him. I didn't know whether he welcomed that I was still here. And when he leaned against the wall and lowered his gaze to me against damp lashes, again something inside me reacted. He just seemed to go inside of himself, and looked like he was absorbing me into his thoughts too. I just wished I knew what those thoughts were...I wondered what was in them.

I wondered many things. I wondered how someone manages to pull you in but at the same time when they become even slightly vulnerable, they manage to pull away and push you at the same time. Ever so slightly mind, but enough for me to know that's what he was doing.

I recognised it because admittedly, that's exactly what I had done. He'd flagged that up to me before, but it was only now that he must have been able to see how much of a defense mechanism it was. A way to protect yourself because he couldn't help that his mechanism right now was the same. Most times you don't even realise you're doing it. It's like the body's way of keeping you safe, and the minds way of automatically shielding itself from outsiders.

He sunk back against the wall, but I came up closer now.

"Don't." I said, finally able to find my voice again. "Don't pull away from me. Please."

I could see just how much his body wrestled with his mind just then. He tensed up.

"We're all a bit of a mess inside, you know." I said. "For some reason or another, at some point, we all fall apart a bit. Whatever the reason. It happens to the best of us."

He turned away.

"Malachy...it was more than just Darius, wasn't it? Tell me. What was it that made you do that?"

He stared blank at the ground, now staring daggers into the concrete. As he spoke, he kept his voice level, like he wouldn't let it control him, but he narrowed his eyes as if he could see his reason right there in the dirt. "Just...something I didn't think I'd ever think about again. I never thought it would ever be relevant or have a hold on me like it once did. It shouldn't have played a part in this but...it did. That dude out there, he sure knows how to push the hell out of someone's buttons. Fu*king prick."

I could tell from how he wouldn't look at me that he wasn't willing to get drawn on the subject again. I wouldn't push it.

"Malachy, you don't have to tell me anything just yet, but I just want you to know that whenever you do, I don't want you to have to look any further than me. I just..." I sighed, grabbing his hand again, I was glad he let me. "Listen, I'm here, and I'm giving you this so don't turn it away, take it. Just take it."

He looked down at our hands now. Intertwining fingers softly stroked along each other. His dried, blood-stained thumb was feeling into my palm as he let his mind wander.

"Is there something else? You know, that you're thinking about?" I asked. Holding his hand was such a mistake. I had to pretend his fingers weren't scorching my mind with memories of how incredible his touch could be. Instantly my brain felt compromised between wanting to comfort him and wanting a lot more.

"What do you think?" He replied.

His gaze fell to mine, sparkling but icy like an bare woodland brown covered in the sprinkles of winter frost. Striking but cold.

"I feel like you hate me now."

Finally, they softened as he looked at me and shook his head. "You're mistaken. You can't be that blind." and pulling me into his chest as the gap closed between his body and mine, we stood chest to chest as he lifted our linked hands and held it between us. "Feel this?"