The Quiet Types

Chapter 6

"How are you feeling this afternoon, Lauren?" asked Dr. Felland as she pulled out her notepad and then a pen.

"Fine," I lied as I fiddled with my hair tie.

I hadn't found the energy to snap it since being discovered by Theo. In all honesty, someone discovering my thing made everything a whole lot worse. I refused to create any new ones, but I was constantly finding a reason to reopen old ones. I hated how he thought he had the right to attack me at home in the middle of the night. Who was he to do anything?

I've ignored him the past week. Unless we had to work in groups for our first hour, I was finding every reason to spend time in the nurse's office or even in the school library. I've actually become friends with the school librarian, Mr. Patsy. He was an elderly gentleman whose book knowledge actually put mine to the test. He's even given me a few titles to read.

"You're being more distant than usual. Did something happen?" she questioned hinting at the obvious concern in her voice.

I shook my head no.

She sighed. "Remember, Lauren, this is a safe space. Whatever you bring into this room doesn't leave it unless I think you're a danger to yourself or others."

"Someone knows," I nearly shouted and she raised a curious eyebrow at me.

"Knows as in about your cutting?" she clarified and I nodded, "Well that's great. You're finally open to trusting someone."

"No. They figured it out on their own. I'm not okay with it and I definitely don't trust him."

"How did he figure it out?"

"My hair tie. I had lost my train of thought and I was snapping excessively. He ripped it right off my wrist actually," I explained and she sat up a bit straighter.

"So I'm assuming he's battled similar things that you are?" she implied.

I shrugged. "His mother is my first-hour teacher and she tried to assure me she understood what I was battling with. No one understands why I am the way I am. I don't even understand it myself sometimes. I just really hate it when people try to relate to me when all I want to do is get out."

"Is escaping the answer though? I mean I feel as though this may be a good environment for you to be in. You have the support in school now and at home."

"I don't need support. I need people to acknowledge that Will exists, Dr. Felland. Besides you and I, there's not many people or anyone at all actually who acknowledges that he was a person," I tried to keep my tone at a calm level.

"I'm proud of you, Lauren. You're getting more comfortable with discussing him. You haven't even pulled on your hair tie yet. Something must be working. You can't give anyone credit for that?" she asked.

I looked down at my hands in my lap. My mom insisted I try a lighter color this time around. She picked a softer lilac color for my nails and it was a nice change. It helped with the idea that if I dug my nails in too deep I could see the blood on my fingernails, which was the last thing I wanted anyone else seeing.

"I'm mad. I've felt the need to literally become invisible because I don't want anyone else finding out my secret. It's a terrifying feeling that I have to watch my surroundings at all times because this person made it clear that if he found out or felt as though I was doing things he would tell my parents."

"Well are you doing things, Lauren?" she questioned curiously and I looked over at her unamused.

"No," I answered shortly and she nodded.