Damaged Love

Emotions

and the one after,

and the one after that,

and now that they all are gone,

I only have myself to follow up 

on that pain

Grief

As I see the clammy skin,

I expect your eyes to open,

and I am not filled with fear,

but a deep sadness I have never known

I want to grieve

but I am holding onto her hand,

as she pours everything out of herself,

her knees buckle,

and I am all her support,

I shut down my tears,

I'll cry later,

as we go home,

she is still too broken,

too fragile,

it is not the right time to grieve,

as I head back to my own place,

I have too much I missed 

that I have to deal with now,

I can grieve later

Months past by,

I will grieve when I can,

half a year passes,

I tell him about you,

a single tear drops,

but I can't open that canal of un-shed tears,

I may never stop

so I think of your death,

but I can not grieve you,

you are added to the list of held in pain,

this is the third death that I have been unable to fully grieve

but as it was too late for me to change,

it is too late to cry for you,

at this point,

I did this to myself,

and I can no longer have your death as an obstacle,

and I have to continue

being a student, an employee,

there is no longer a chance to grieve

Sadness

In the times,

where the depression doesn't hit hard,

and the anxiety, doesn't turn into panic