A no-nonsense, fairly silly, guide to cooking during the apocalypse.
This guide will teach you how to cook, how to make your own recipes, basic fundamentals of cuisine, why brown is the tastiest color, how to prevent your pee from attracting maraud...
And it isn't because years of working in the kitchen have hardened their hearts to the point that the only ways they can feel something are through the birth of their new baby girl and the realization that somewhere down the line they have to give her up to another person and hope they treat her like the princess she is, but because they keep their knife sharp as hell.
This is a Chef's Knife:
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This in particular is a Victorinox Fibrox Chef's Knife, a fairly cheap professional knife that will last you forever and you can find it on Amazon for about $30, if you are brave enough to storm the stronghold of Bezos to retrieve one. A Chef's knife is the most versatile tool of the apocalyptic chef's toolbox, and one that you have to take care of with your life.
That's right: you can lose your life, but never your knife.
It is your first and last love. Name it, clean it, take care of it, and most importantly, keep it sharp at all times.
A dull knife is perhaps the most dangerous thing in a kitchen, as they are a vector for all kinds of accidents, most of them requiring you to stitch a finger with a fishing hook and floss if you are not careful.
A Chef's knife must do most of the job by simply being sharp and exerting as little force on it as possible. The sharper the knife, the cleaner the cut. This helps with certain leaky foods from spilling everywhere, the most notorious of this is the onion. You see, when you cut into an onion it releases a chemical known as syn-propanethial-S-oxide, also known as the sad juice. The only way to avoid the sad juice is to have a sharp enough knife that it doesn't release it at all, thus dying with dignity under your might.
If your knife is dull, you might need to exert unnecessary force on it, and more force = less control. And you want to have complete control of the knife at all times.
Believe me, for I lost a few centimeters learning that lesson.
Now, there are several kinds of knives as well and several kinds of materials they can be made. Some might be specific for a task while others, like the Chef's knife, are more multitask. It is imperative to know what knife is for each job so you don't end up lobbing a fingertip. You leave that to their weird cultist down the street.
Stainless Steel Knife:
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