When Hope Dies

Private Confessions

Your P.O.V.

       Yet another application denied. I had applied to several different websites that reported on topics through websites. None of them seemed inclined to even email me and say 'no thank you.' Hearing my sigh, Ann turned around on the couch to face me. "Another one?" She asked, pausing the movie she'd been watching. Nodding, I closed the laptop and walked to the couch. "Maybe I should just stop. Work for that promotion at work." I said, plopping onto the couch next to her.

"What? No way am I letting you work some boring desk job for the rest of your life," Ann said, grabbing her phone, "I know a guy who can make websites. Like, functioning and professional websites. He can make you one. Then you won't need anyone to hire you. You can be your own boss!" Grabbing the TV remote, I unpaused the movie.

Ann was typing away on her phone, texting whoever it was that she knew. "He said he'd do it!" Ann said, grabbing and shaking me. I couldn't help but smile at her excitement. "Ann, I can't pay him. I don't have money to do that right now." I said, taking her hands off my shoulders. She only grabbed my shoulders again, shaking me more.

"That's the best part! He said you could him back a little bit at a time. It doesn't have to be all at once. Even if it's $20 a week until you pay him back, he's okay to do that." She practically shouted in my ear, letting me go to grab her phone. The best part? That wasn't good, no one could live off of $20 a week.

"Ann, he can't possibly be okay with that. He needs more money if he's going to even buy groceries." I said, trying to grab her phone. Ann only stretched further away so she could keep texting, only offering a "Hey, stop it" in response. "Okay okay, he'll work on it everyday after work. He said it'll cost about $380 for the website, and you have to work on getting a name that you can legally use." She said, smiling at me.

I was grateful for having a friend like Ann. I'd watched and helped her succeed so many times, she was ready to do anything to help me in return.

I was sitting in a chair. The room had a red tint. Everything I could see was fuzzy. I heard whistling. It was Grandma's favorite song. Mom used to hum and whistle it everyday when Grandma was still alive. I must be at home.

"Mom, I had the worst dream." I mumbled, my voice coming out raspy and my words slurred together. I heard a man chuckle and the whistling stopped. "Mom?" I asked hesitantly, trying to stand. I was tied to the chair. It wasn't a dream, I really was here. Panic surged through me and I tried to bolt upright, struggling against the rope.   Apparently, my legs weren't tied down like my hands were.

On unsteady legs I stood and my attempt to run sent me hurling to the floor, landing with a loud 'thud' on my side. "You just can't sit still, can you." John said, coming within view. Lifting my chair up off of its side, he wheeled me back to where the chair originally was. There was a workbench and a small cart next to me. It had a little bowl with water, a rag, a tattoo gun, and a small assortment of knives.

John had made his way back to a workbench on the other side of the room, removing various types of tools. He moved like he'd done this thousands of times before. "What are you going to do?" I asked, watching the dull blade of one of the knives next to me. He turned from his place in front of the workbench to look at me, a faint smile on his face.

       "I'm going to make you confess. Every little misdeed, every sin. All of it. You will tell me all of it. Then I'll put your sins onto your skin," He said, walking over and picking up the tattoo gun from its spot, "And then you will bear the weight of your sins every single day until I've decided that it's time to remove them." He put the tattoo gun down, inspecting one of the dull blades.

       The door behind me opened, and John quickly moved away from me and back to the workbench. Joseph walked within view, now wearing a white button-up and black vest rather than being shirtless.

"I'm glad to see you again, (Y/n). Now I have a chance to set your mind straight, give you the correct outlook on the Project. God has made it clear to me that you must be enlightened." Joseph said in calm voice, pulling up a chair to sit in front of me. He started telling me that the Project was not full of murderers and kidnappers, but that they had no choice because they wanted to save as many as possible. And of course he didn't like that I'd called it murder. He said it was God's will that the Project defends itself at all costs.

       When I felt like he'd never stop talking, he actually did. He stood and went to John, pressing his forehead to John's and muttering a few quiet words. Joseph then left. "Joseph doesn't believe you'll change your mind. About us or the Project. So..." John said, walking to his tool box and pulling out a small pocket knife. He inspected it before deciding on a different knife. "I've been given permission to take whatever measures I see fit to get you to talk." He continued, taking a seat in front of me where Joseph once sat.

       John just stared at me expectantly. Like we'd done this before and that I had missed my cue to speak. "I won't tell you anything you want to hear. I'd never want to make a man like you feel accomplished." I said, turning my head so I didn't have to look at him. I could hear him stand and the knife he had brought over clattered onto the small cart next to me.

Roughly grabbing my face, John made me look up at him. "Far too prideful. Obviously that's one of your sins. But we're not there yet. So swallow your pride, and talk," John said, letting me go and sitting back down, "I can wait all day, (Y/n). It'll just make things harder for you." With a shaky sigh, I looked up. John's smug look returned. He knew I was going to tell him what he wanted to hear.

Daniel's P.O.V.

       We still hadn't found (Y/n). It had been 2 DAYS and we hadn't found her! Adelaide continued to be our eyes in the air, searching for (Y/n)'s telltale (h/c) hair. There wasn't even a trace of her until I heard from Jess.

"Dep, I found the bow that the people at the jail gave her. It was in the forest." She said, her voice coming in through the radio mostly clear. "Do you see where she could've gone? Why she left the bow behind?" I asked, almost demanded of Jess. I needed to calm down.

       "You're not gonna like hearing what I have to say." Jess sighed, waiting for me to say anything. I didn't, I wanted her to keep talking. "I'm up in Holland Valley, about a mile southeast of the YES sign. There are more than one set of footprints. I think John's men got to her before we could." Jess was right, I absolutely did not like hearing that. I needed to really get John's attention now.

       If I could get him focused on me, just maybe (Y/n) could get away. "Jess, meet me in Fall's End. We're getting John's attention and I know exactly how." I said as I clipped the radio to my waist and began walking to my car. She couldn't stay there for long. If the Seeds were specifically after her as well, then this could only end bad for her.

As I got into the drivers seat, a hand was placed over mine. It was Faith. Not the real Faith anyway. Just some hallucination. "She'll be okay, Daniel. I promise. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt her. But you have to listen to me. Come with me." Faith said, her voice pleading as she pulled on my arm. I realized too late that I was being pulled into the Bliss.

I was no longer in the car, I was with Faith in an open field. She held my hands in hers and smiled at me. Everything Faith did confused me and how I felt. I know that I need to hate her and the rest of the Seeds. But that smile makes me want to be part of this stupid cult. "Just stay with me. Talk with me. (Y/n) will be okay. I promise." Faith said softly, pulling me to sit down on a picnic blanket. I couldn't say no. I didn't want to. It would break Faith's heart, I told myself.

Looking to Faith, I nodded, trying to relax. "I'll stay. I'll talk with you." I mumbled just above a whisper. Faith's smile widened and she settled down on the blanket next to me, ready to talk.