𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐒.

⚡️24 - shouldn't⚡️

But he doesn't know how, shit he doesn't even know how to talk to Jeongguk anymore.

And it hurts, it hurts so much Taehyung can't even describe it. He feels like he's going through the most painful breakup he's ever had and they didn't even break up, they were never a thing in the first place.

There was nothing, just sex. And kisses. And cuddles. And more kisses. But Taehyung doesn't want to think about that.

Taehyung's heart drops into his stomach when they make eye contact and Jeongguk breaks it immediately, heat spreading in his chest.

"Hey San, i think imma head to my room, i still have some things to do," Santana nods and kisses his cheek, "alright, see ya later."

Taehyung visibly cringes and tries his best to avoid Jeongguk's eyes and heads to their room to lay in his bed and think of how much he hates himself.

—

Jeongguk comes home pretty late and Taehyung is still awake, "hi."

"hey," Jeongguk replies while taking his coat off, avoiding eye contact.

silence.

nobody really knows what to say or what to ask so they just let silence fall over them.

Taehyung truly wants to cry. He can't stand awkwaness at all, especially if it's awkward with Jeongguk, his best friend since forever.

He feels like he ruined everything. The
next words slip over his lips without really thinking it through. "Gguk I'm so sorry for messing everything up."

Jeongguk turns his head, eyes big and lips parted, a confused expression painted on his face. "what?"

Taehyung stands up from his bed and approaches Jeongguk, eyes sorry. "I've messed everything up by asking you to have sex and i'm so sorry you-"

"Taehyung please shut up, none of this is your fault, i've agreed to it-"

Taehyung takes Jeongguk's hand in his own and shakes his head. He can't help but seek for a touch, a source of warmth. "You wouldn't have agreed if i wouldn't have suggested it. I'm sorry for making everything awkward." He drops his head and looks at the floor to avoid Jeongguks pained expression.

Jeongguk takes Taehyung's face in his hands almost instinctively, without thinking twice and looks into his dark eyes, "please stop blaming yourself."

Taehyung feels his chest tingling and can't help but let his eyes drop to Jeongguk's lips, the proximity, Jeongguk's scent, everything was making his mind spin.

Jeongguk caresses Taehyung's cheek and the latter melts into his touch like ice cream in the sun, a small smile forming on his lips.

It's quiet again, but the good kind.

The brunet feels his heart beating out of his chest and feels the burning urge to kiss Jeongguk's lips.

He should't. He absolutely shouldn't

It's not going to help their situation, it's probably just going to make it even more awkward for both of them.

But Taehyung wants it, he needs it. He needs to feel Jeongguk's lips on his again, even if its one last time.

And so he does what his heart tells him to, he connects their lips in a sweet kiss.

Jeongguk is taken aback, his whole body tingling. He knows he shouldn't give in. He should push Taehyung off of him and ask him what the fuck he's doing, ask him why he keeps hurting Jeongguk so bad. But he can't bring himself to do it, especially not when Taehyung's lips are pressed against him and that's the only thing he can think about.

He grabs Taehyung's face with his both hands and kisses him harder, desperate.

He needed this so much.

Taehyung wraps his arms against Jeongguk's waist and presses him against the wall, his mind is completely blank.

He doesn't even know what the fuck he's doing, the only thing he knows is that he needs Jeongguk as close as possible.

Jeongguk is angry at Taehyung, angry at the way he makes him feel, angry at how he doesn't even know what he's doing to Jeongguk.

He wants to keep being angry, really, he wants to push Taehyung off of him, he wants to yell at him, but this is all he ever dreams of and no matter how much his mind screams at him to stop, he continues to kiss Taehyung.

Taehyung lifts Jeongguk up by his thighs and presses him against the wall even harder, which causes Jeongguk to let out a small noise that Taehyung swallows immediately.

He starts grinding against Jeongguk and the latter moans into his mouth, rolling his eyes back.

Taehyung moves his mouth to Jeongguk's chin and then to his neck, leaving butterfly kisses behind. Jeongguk throws his head back to give Taehyung better access and starts pulling on his hair.

Both of their minds are spinning, none of them really knowing what they're doing, but none of them really wanting to stop.

"i want you," taehyung whispers and Jeongguk freezes, eyes widening.

He wants Taehyung too, he wants him so bad, but he can't. He ignored the screams his mind sent him before but he surely can't ignore them now.

He can't. He can't break his own heart. Not again.

Sleeping with Taehyung again would not do him any good, he'd just get reminded of what he can't have anymore again, because he knows exactly that Taehyung would blow him off after that and tell him that "it was the last time, i'm so so sorry, we'll never do that again, i won't use you again, i'm sorry, i'm sorry" and honestly Jeongguk doesn't want to hear that.

He doesn't want to hear that everything was a mistake again, he doesn't want to hear that it's definitely not what best friends do, he doesn't want to hear Taehyung apologizing for things he wants the most.

"Tae, i- i can't- we- we can't do this anymore.. we ended this whole.. thing, remember?" Honestly Jeongguk wishes he'd never opened his mouth when he sees how Taehyung's face drop.

"Oh my god, i'm so sorry, this was a huge mistake." A bullet right into Jeongguk heart.

"I shouldn't have done that, I'm so sorry." and another one.

"I'll never kiss you again, i promise!" and another one.

Taehyung is not thinking his words through, just talking to make everything normal again, since he messed up again.

Jeongguk tries his best to smile, "please don't apologize Tae, it's okay, really."

The brunet slowly lets Jeongguk down, a forced smile on his lips. "i'm sorry again, i think i'll head to sleep now, it's pretty late."

"Good night Tae, sleep well, and don't worry about it, its all chill, we chillin'" Jeongguk mentally cringes at his word choice. Taehyung lets out a small laugh, "alright good night."

Jeongguk decides to go to bed to, tears falling as soon as Taehyung turns the light off. He's crying, he's crying again because of the fact that he'll never be more than a best friend to Taehyung.

What he doesn't know is that Taehyung is quietly crying too, because of the exact same reason.

❦

i'm back after a year, n i don't think that anyone is still reading this but i'll complete it anyway ✨✨