The Pal List

Chapter 9

Monday, October 29th

            Pumpkin carving, as expected, was a delightful disaster. Kaisey's pumpkin was turning out to be absolutely amazing, thanks to her artistic talent, until she accidentally cut something off that she was supposed to keep. Ben tried to carve a baseball into his pumpkin but, thanks to his lack of artistic talent, it just ended up being one big hole in the front of the pumpkin. I decided to go with a classic smiling Jack-o-lantern, after I made Ben clean all of the guts out that is. It was a disaster, but we had fun like we always do when we're together. No one mentioned Jude, or Reese Asner, or Jude, so it was a good night.

            Today is the day of the Halloween Bash, and I'm less excited for it today than I was yesterday. I've been thinking a lot about Tanner, and what I would do if he decided to ask me out on a date. Most of my thoughts, to no surprise, contain Jude and what I would do if he came back and I was with Tanner. Or what I would do if he came back and I wasn't with Tanner.

            Every time I think about Tanner, I think about how great of a friend he's been through the past few weeks, and how I'd like for him to continue to be that kind of friend. He deserves to know that.

            After school, I run home to put on the Katniss Everdeen costume I bought, and then I head back to school around six after stopping at the bakery to grab some deserts Uncle Troy made. When I walk into the gym where the Halloween Bash is being held, Tanner is already there, wearing a cowboy costume. I walk up to him and the few other people he's standing with, deserts in hand.

"Hey! Wow, you make a good Katniss!" Tanner says. He's right, I do make a good Katniss. I had Kaisey braid my hair during ninth period at school. The combination of my long brown hair and Kaisey's perfect braiding makes it look exactly like Jennifer Lawrence's does in the movies.

"Thanks!" I say, "You make a good cowboy!"

"Why, thank you." Tanner puts his arm around my shoulder and turns to the people he's standing with.

"You guys know Halle, right? She joined last week." They all smile and nod.

"Welcome!" says Lindsay Sawyer, the treasurer of our senior class. I can feel all five of them staring at Tanner's arm around my shoulders as if it's supposed to mean something. Maybe it's in my head. Maybe it's not. Either way, I have to stop it.

"Tanner, can I talk to you for a second? Just a second." I say, looking him in the eyes.

"Yeah, of course." As we walk to the side of the gym where no one has started decorating yet, I can feel myself getting warm. I don't want to let Tanner down, and I've never broken up with someone I wasn't even with before.

            When we stop, he senses my nervousness. Maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe I should just let him have feelings for me until he realizes I don't feel the same way. Maybe I do feel the same way.

"Halle, what's wrong?" he asks. It's now or never.

"I, um, I just want to make sure we're on the same page here. I think that maybe you might have developed some feelings for me that I don't have for you. Which is totally cool I just wanted you to know so that you don't keep thinking-" he laughs. He's laughing.

"This is funny?" I ask.

"Oh, no. Sorry. I don't mean to laugh. I really appreciate you talking to me about this, it must have taken a lot," he says. He's still smiling. "You're just, uh you're not really my type, Halle. But I can see where you might have thought that-"

"I'm not your type?" I interrupt, a little offended.

"Halle," he says, putting his arm on my shoulder and still laughing, "I'm gay."