Caged Byrd

Chapter 8 - Closer

I heard the shower start after Alex disappeared from view. My mind was a muddled mess.

I slipped out from under the covers after a minute or so passed, once I was sure he wouldn't come back into the room. My muscles had that wonderful, relaxed, after-orgasm feel to them. I was confused by the emotions running through me. Satisfaction. Anger. Giddiness. Tension.

I grabbed my discarded underwear and leggings off the floor and slipped them back on. I wanted to go into the bathroom to clean myself up or maybe change into some new clothes. The desire to keep my distance from Alex was greater.

He had locked the bedroom door, so I had no option but to pace back and forth like a caged animal as I waited for Alex to get out of the shower. My nervous energy built as the minutes passed. By the time the water shut off, I was ready to climb the walls.

The few minutes of separation from Alex was enough time for my mind to go into overdrive. The memory of Alex's touch played on a loop. I could hear the echo of myself whimpering 'I can't'. Admitting defeat. Had I invited him by uttering those words?

My nervous pacing was making me more antsy, so I took a seat on the floor in front of the window. A few moments later, I heard Alex enter the room. I was torn. Part of me wanted to run past him into the bathroom, the other was determined to pretend he didn't exist. In the end, I stayed rooted to my spot on the floor.

As my fingers plucked at the plush carpet, I stared out towards the horizon over the tree tops. I stiffened as Alex took a seat beside me, several feet away. He didn't speak as he let out a sigh. I swallowed, trying to keep calm. The silence was too much for me.

"Can we go outside?" I asked. My timid voice sounded loud in the quiet room.

"Not yet," he said, without turning to look at me. My brows furrowed. Okay, that wasn't a 'no'.

"Why not?" I asked, shifting where I sat. "I won't run."

"Yes, you would," he said, giving me a small smile. "It's okay. I understand."

"I wouldn't," I insisted, giving him a pleading look. His blue-grey eyes held mine, unswayed.

"You're emotionally charged right now and desperate to create distance," he said. His gaze flickered over me, reading me. "You would run... Once you were out there, you would run." We settled back into silence for a few moments. While I felt tense and on edge, he seemed calm and content.

"Will you ever trust me?" I asked, drawing his attention back to me and away from the window.

"Will you ever trust me?" he echoed. I didn't answer, confused.

"Why does it even matter?" I didn't understand the motive behind the question. "What exactly am I supposed to trust in this situation? You don't need my trust, my approval, or consent to get what you want out of this. Trust implies that I have some sort of choice."

"I understand that it seems that way," he said.

"What way?" I asked, exasperated.

"Like you don't have any choices," he said.

"I don't Alex. Stop trying to convince me otherwise. I'm not blind to how you manipulate me through the choices I'm given," I spat.

"Not liking the choices you're given doesn't mean they aren't choices," he answered calmly. It was useless trying to argue with him. "I could take away your choices, if that would make it easier for you?" The words themselves could be considered a threat, but his tone made it sound like an offer. "I thought giving you a choice would help you feel like you had some control and help you adjust more easily. Maybe it's had the opposite effect."