Damaged Love

Mental Health Day

where I boost others up

and not bring them down

where I make jokes, 

and make people smile

I want to be that person

that when I smiled at you

while you worked

it made your day

not the one

crying on your bed

beating their nails against her skin

breaking open the surface

I want to go back to how I was getting better

when I was happy seeing you

and going out

without worrying about a label

haven't you shown me you won't leave

haven't I trusted you with things

I hadn't even trusted myself to say out loud?

now as I am alone

and I look around the room

I know that there is nothing more I want

then to be around you

and to have fun, be myself

and have you along for the ride

I was obsessed with labels

and being official

that I forgot

that the best part of our relationship

was the happiness I was feeling on the inside

and that had nothing to do

with the outside world

Better

I was better

new relationships

are hard

but I was okay

I know I can get better

and I know that you make me want to live

I know I can go on living

that killing myself

isn't something I want 

I do get disappointed

when I make it alive

after doing something reckless

but seeing you

reminds me that I want to live

that having you in my life

has been for the better

I keep going in circles

wondering

are you helping me