Holding on to His Promises

Chapter 31: More than Demi

Why she didn't inform me? Why she left me dumbfounded? She should've told me. I would understand. I would respect her parent's decision. I could wait for her to come back as long as I knew that she would come back. But that's not what she did. She left me hanging. Her d*mn decision hurt me like hell. It was a stupid desicion! What if I didn't ask her auntie? I'd f*cking wait for nothing for sure.

"D*mn it!" I cussed as I hit the steering wheel.

I never thought that she could f*cking break me like this.

***

"Storm?"

I heard Mom calling me while knocking the door, but I wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody. I just wanted to stuck myself in the bed while missing Demi. Her absence was so depressing. Not hearing her voice drove me insane.

Mom and Dad already knew about what happened, and they understood. I didn't cry in front of them, but I kept myself away from anybody because I didn't wanna talk about how Demi left me like a hopeless puppy. I knew how concern and worried they were about me, but I didn't need their pity. I needed Demi's explanation. I was on the verge of chasing her, but I didn't want to make a stupid move as what she did. Still, I thought of the possible consequences if ever I did an impulsive action.

When evening came, I went out of my room wearing a black leather jacket and holding my car keys.

"Where are you going?" Dad asked me when he saw me. He was seated on the couch.

"I'll attend a gig." I lied.

I had stopped joining gigs because I was busy with finding the truth about the Biblical doctrines. I spent my time with Christy, asking her about spiritual matters that I was curious about. While I was in the process of discovering God, I've learned how to trust every word I read in the Holy Scriptures, until I became ready to change my world and follow Him. But now, I was in chaos and confusion again.

I went to my pad and drank some wine. The deafening silence of the place made my mind travel. A lot of negative thoughts were dealing with me, but I dealt with them by using my own judgement and understanding. D*mn, I was going crazy. It was hard to question when you know the answer.

It was so clear that Demi would no longer come back because she cutted her connection with me. If she really cared for me, she would inform me about her departure and she would find a way to talk to me while she was away from me. I remembered the last conversation we had on the phone. Now I got the logic of her words that day. She had a plan to leave me; however, she got a chance to say "good bye" but she chose to keep her mouth shut. Did she really love me? That was the question that I didn't know what was the answer. I didn't want to doubt that because that was equivalent to accusing her liar, but . . .

If she really loves you, she will not leave you, my mind said.

"D*mn it."

I drank the wine straight. I rested my back and closed my eyes. Demi's beautiful face pictured on my mind. I felt longing in my heart. I'd missed her so bad. I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes started to water. Now that I've lost the love of my life, what's the sense of life? I thought. I'd learned to live my life with her, and I couldn't live miserably like this every f*cking day.

When I opened my eyes, tears started to well on my cheeks. This feeling was so heavy so I breathed heavily. I removed my jacket and composed myself, trying to control my emotions because I could lose my mind anytime.

My eyes suddenly caught the Bible on the table located in front of me. I stared at it sadly.

"I am ready to leave my dreams for You, and I am losing them gradually," I said, talking to God. "But why even the woman I love the most?" my voice broke. "Should I really have to lose her in order to follow You?" Sobs began to escape from my mouth. "You said You have plans for me, but why I'm hurting like this? I can't see the plans that You're talking about." I sounded like I was blaming Him. "I can't lose Demi. Not her." I said in a tough voice.