All the times I never loved me

15 years... wow

Dear whoever found this,

Fifteen years old thats a new one. Of course thats what happens on a birthday. Although my age doesn't really matter. I may be 15 but I've experienced more in life already than so people ever do. More tragedy, more heartbreak, more adventures, more love, more adversity. But why does that matter. Does it mean I've lived a full life? Does it mean my life is already over? I don't know.

I just turned fifteen three days ago. I didn't celebrate it then. I celebrate in a few weeks. I guess I am lucky that I get to celebrate at all. But it really doesn't fell like a celebration. More of an obligation. My family wants me to go out too dinner with "friends". I guess I want to go. I don't care at this point time is just passing.

My little brother Landon just turned 11 today. He cried because my family was taking him out to dinner tomorrow and not today. So everyone rearranged their schedules today so we could go tonight. And he was happy seems great. You know a little kid having a happy birthday.

Now it seems stupid, but he cries and gets everything he wants. He cried and everyone accommodated to him. The last time someone did that for me was when I was 7. I haven't had a birthday on the actual day in 8 years. It seems like a stupid thing to care about. But my and my little brothers grew up (and still are) so different.

Their parents divorced when they were babies. Mine divorced when I was 8. They grew up in a rich community. I grew up in a broke ass town. I guess I am lucky to be here now. I mean Vancouver is a great place. There is so much to do so much opportunity. But I still feel like a small town kid. I guess I kinda miss Aberdeen. But it was dead there.

But seeing my little brother getting a 3-day snowboarding trip when he was 11. When I still have friends in Aberdeen who live on the streets and have been there since they where his age.

Anyway I am to tired to keep writing.  If I am alive tomorrow I will write again.

~Me