Step by Step

Chapter Eight

i. Beauty, Perfection

Varian looked over at Cassandra, studying her in the dim firelight. This was by far the calmest that he had ever seen her at-- just about every encounter that he'd had with her in the past, something big and crazy had been happening. But even then... He could still tell just how tense and stressed she was in the moment. And he completely understood: so much had been placed on both of their plates in such a short amount of time. Vince and Trystan, Quirin's sudden (and still mysterious) freedom... On and on and on it went.

The stress doesn't take away from her beauty, though...

She reached to tuck some of her dark hair behind her ear as she spoke, sharing some anecdote or other about one of the few times that she had been given the chance to act as guard.

Her hair was starting to grow a little longer, he noticed, seeing as it was now past its usual length of 'down to the chin.' Her hazel eyes were bright, and not just because of the fire that was in front of her. They were alive with all the hopes and dreams that she harbored.

Craig and Jonah were both leaning in, listening to her story with rapture. For once, Cassandra hardly seemed to mind such a fact: instead, she continued to tell her story with such gusto, it made Varian wonder if she'd ever considered becoming a professional storyteller.

When she had wrapped up with telling the tale, she leaned back against the cave wall. "Let's plan on heading out tomorrow morning, okay? Get all the rest you think you're going to need tonight; we'll head out as soon as everyone's woken up."

Craig and Jonah agreed, as did Varian. The latter went off to search for what few sticks they hadn't already found, something they could use to sustain the fire until morning. He hoped that maybe, when he came back, he could have a few moments alone with Cassandra.

ii. Heart to Heart

Cassandra looked up when the sticks and twigs were dropped down next to her. She hadn't even realized that somebody had gone off in the first place.

Varian was taking a seat next to the small pile, taking a rather large stick and gently prodding at the small teepee of flames before them. "Hey."

"Hey," she responded, quirking an eyebrow, "you know, days may have passed, but that doesn't necessarily change the fact that we only need one person to keep watch..."

She was smirking, though. Every evening that they had spent in this damned cave, Varian had stayed up later than the other two, to talk with her or to simply keep her company. She was extremely grateful for this, though she would never admit the fact.

He laughed softly, causing her to chuckle a little. He studied her from under his eyelashes, suddenly... Well, suddenly a little shy.

In the past, he had been able to tone things down. He was a little bolder around her, sure, but he thought that he'd gotten pretty good at keeping her at arm's distance recently. She was just a friend, and a friend she would always remain. As much as he wished differently, he knew better. And yet, staying in this cave with her for multiple days, being in her group on this search... For whatever reason, that was enough to bring the feelings back, to remind him of all that he had felt for her in the past.

"Varian?" she asked softly, "you okay?"

There had been no witty response to her previous comment, or any response at all. That was completely unnatural, at least in her book.

"Just fine," he said quickly, "just... Lost in thought."

She quirked an eyebrow. She knew that he was telling her the truth, but not all of it. He was holding something back. Hell, she could tell that much even if he wasn't avoiding eye contact with her and forcing himself to focus on the flames.

"What are you thinking about, then?"

Varian bit his lip, but the answer slipped out of his mouth regardless. "... You."

Cass inhaled sharply. Of course. Because why not?

"Me?"

It was worded as a gentle prompt, a simple question to encourage him to elaborate, but there was a subtle edge to her voice, a tone which hinted that she did indeed know and was just daring him to explain it all for himself.

"I... Yeah," he muttered, sounding a little frustrated, "just... The past. Well, kinda."

She folded her arms over her chest, clearly expecting a far clearer answer out of him.

"Cassie... I can't do this, okay?" he said, beginning to rake his fingers through his hair, "it's honestly a miracle that I've been able to be near you so often for the past few days without blowing a gasket or something similar."

Cass was half-tempted to tease him about that remark-- 'I should have known you were part machine, kid'-- but chose not to. Her mind was already going crazy with the sudden realization that his old feelings for her weren't actually that old at the moment. She narrowed her eyes at him, waiting for him to come clean and simply admit to her what she already knew.

Varian noticed this and let out a long sigh. "It's just... Ever since I first saw you, I liked you. A lot, and probably a lot more than I should have. I was stupid to think that I could, you know. Ignore those old feelings."

Okay. Maybe Cass had been wrong to want him to just... Tell her. As soon as he said those words, she frowned.

He continued quietly. "I know it's silly. My heart and mind are at war, Cassie: my heart says that I love you, and to... To just go for it. But my mind says to do no such thing, that you and I are friends and that I need to work on cultivating that friendship.

"That sounds like the better option," Cassandra said stiffly, "listen to that mind of yours, okay? Your heart's spreading lies."

Varian frowned slightly. "How do you mean?"

"Do you really think that you... That you love me?" she asked, "because I know for a fact that you don't."

He blinked, stunned by the harsh words coming from her mouth.

"Love's such a strong word," she said flatly, by means of explanation, "especially for someone you hardly know, like me."

He opened his mouth to respond when suddenly, a bird came flying into the cave. Cass looked up at it and raised an eyebrow.

"Owl?"

The bird swooped down, dropping a note in her lap before heading off again. She picked it up and unrolled it, beginning to read. The more she read, the more hurt and devastated she looked. Her hazel eyes filled with tears, and she suddenly began shaking with silent sobs.

"... Cassie?" Varian asked softly, "what...?"

"It's my dad," she managed, "he... He's gone."