Saving Lily

chapter 36: Vulnerability - Part 2

The receptionist walks back into the room, I shoot my eyes up at the door, worried in case Hamish tried to get back to me again. My eyes were filled with tears, my body felt weak again. "Your cab is outside" she says, as she moves closer into the room. "I'm going to talk to his boss; I don't think this is the first time this has happened" she says, trying to reassure me. I don't understand why it had to happen to me, why I'm still sat here.
I push my knees away from my chest, placing my shaking hands on my knees. "Thank you.." I said, getting up to my feet.
"I'll walk you out" she smiled, she walked out in front of me, I felt somewhat relieved leaving this building. But, I knew I wasn't out of here yet...
She stops at her desk, pulling a business card out from a small pile next to her computer. "If you need to talk to anyone, call this number, this is the number for that phone right there, okay?" She says, placing the card in my hand as she looked over my shoulder. A look of disgust washed over her, before I could turn around and look, she takes my hand and walks me outside. I think we all knew who that was, Hamish.
She watches me as I climb into the cab, I saw Hamish coming out from behind her, swinging the doors open. For a moment I thought I was safe, but now, I don't think I am. This world is rotten.
He runs over to the cab door, grabbing the handle as the receptionist pulls him away. "Leave the girl alone!" She shouts. I could see a couple of people looking in his direction as he stammered.
"I-I just wanted to apologize" he says, shoving his hands in his pocket. He turns towards the window, "I'm so sorry Lily!" He says pleadingly, trying to get my attention.
I roll down the window slightly, looking at him in pure disgust. "Fuck you, Hamish! You've done enough!" I replied. "drive please" I said to the driver, as he pulled away from the pavement.
"Where am I taking you?" He asked, looking at me through the rearview mirror. "I don't know what happened back there, but it must have been serious?" He said, sighing.
I have him my address and pulling out my phone to text Sarah. "And, it doesn't matter... What happened back there, doesn't matter."
He drives slowly, hitting the traffic along the road. As I text Sarah, I read back over what I'm about to say, but didn't press send. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and looked out of the window, resting my head on the glass. A tear fell down my cheek, as I could still feel Hamish's touch against my skin. Why? Why me? My hands shake in my lap, as I felt somewhat alone. I wanted to text Sarah, but I didn't want the weight of the world being put on her shoulders, I didn't even know what to tell her. I want my mom. I want my family...
"Are you okay back there?" The driver asks.
"Yeah..." I murmured in response. I don't know whether I am, anymore. God, I could really have Sarah here right now.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, a couple of times, I pull it out to find Hamish has tried to text me more than once. I slide the texts open, preparing myself for the worst, yet he was still demanding that I don't talk.
"Don't you dare tell anyone what happened, I could lose everything if you do!" He said. "Don't you fucking dare!"
I gulp at his texts, my hands shaking as I hold my cellphone tightly in my grip. Go away, Hamish. Please just go away. I look down at his texts one last time, his words playing on my mind. "I can change that..." The way he touched me, I didn't want to feel like that again. I don't want to feel like this again.
The driver pulls outside my house, "is this it?" He asked, turning around to look at me.
"Urm yeah..." I murmured, a small smile came across his face, as I reached into my pocket to pull out some change.
"You don't need to pay... That lady who stopped me had already paid for the ride, so don't worry! Just get yourself in doors" he demands.
I smile at him as I open the door. "thank you for the drive" I said, closing the door and turning back towards the house. Here we go... I walk up the drive to the front door, pulling down the handle and entering the house. The house seemed quiet for a change, I was expecting it to be that way, though. Considering Jason was always with Sam, while Michael was with Leah. I closed the front door behind me and nade my way up the stairs to the shower. I need to get these fucking clothes off me. I need to scrub my skin. I need to feel clean.
"Lily?" A familiar sweet voice, shouts from the bottom of the stairs. In fear, I closed the bathroom door behind me, leaning against it in an attempt to keep myself locked inside. "Lily? It's Sarah, I just saw you come in, I'm here with Jason and Sam..." She shouts. I felt myself relax as her voice rung out more clearly in the halls.
"I'll be down in a second" I cried, sliding myself down the door.
"I'm coming up to you" I could hear the stairs creaking as she walked up them, getting closer to me. "Lily where are you?" She asks.
"Sarah, I said I'll be out in a second... Could you please just, leave me alone?" I replied, resting my head on the door, I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
"Look, Lily, something is wrong right now, and I know you're hiding in the bathroom..." I look up to see the door handle moving as she tried to enter.
"Sarah, please" I cried.
I felt the door move slightly against my back. "Nope, I'm leaving, until you tell me what's wrong!" She demands. "I can wait here all damn day if I have too, babe! What's bothering you, babe?" She murmured.
I thought I needed her, but now all I'm doing is pushing her away too. "I just want to shower..." I replied. I could feel my cheeks soak with my tears, my eyesight became fussy with them that I found it hard to see.
"When you're ready, I'll be here" she said, reassuringly. "But, it doesn't mean I'm leaving my post!"
I sigh in response, getting to my feet and turning the shower on. "You don't have to wait here, you know?" I said, wiping my tears from my face.
"I do if you're upset" she replied.
I pull my jeans off me, looking at them in my hands, all I could think about was him pressed against my body when I looked at them. The way he whispered in my ear and the way he trailed his stupid kisses down my skin. I shivered at the thought of him touching me, I felt gross. I felt disgusting. I drop them to the floor, and then pull my shirt over my head, dropping that to the floor too. I stood staring at my body in the mirror, noticing my scars beginning to heal and feeling the need to be numb again. I take of my bra and panties, dropping them into the pile too. I didn't want to look at them, I didn't even want them on my body anymore.
The steam from the shower fogged up the glass, as I stared at my reflection, my body became a smudged image. I turned around and climbed into the hot water, letting it soak my body and wash away my tears that streamed down my face, I just wanted to feel human, to feel clean. I put body wash all over my skin, and began to scrub myself down. I cried as my skin was becoming a lot more red, as if I was creating burn marks across my skin. I didn't know how to stop it, or get rid of that feeling of my body pushed up against the wall. I move my hands away from my body for a second, looking down at my wrist, the bruising was showing up more clearly now than ever. How the hell am I going to hide this? I watched as the bubbles washed down my skin reaching its final resting place by the drain.
Once I felt like I was clean, I turned the shower off, and climbed out, wrapping a towel from the heater around my body. "Are you done now?" Sarah asked from the other side of the door. I pulled my arms closer to my body in an attempt to hide the bruising, as Sarah swung the door open. "Oh, baby..." She cooed. "have you been crying? Your eyes look bright red?"
I hold back my tears as I look at her in the eyes, "I'm okay, I just got soap in my eyes" I lied.
"Are you sure?" she asked as she moved closer to me, she reached out to touch my hand, but I flinched away and stood back from her. "Okay, now I definitely know somethings wrong... Baby, please tell me? Don't push me away too..." She said, crossing her arms over her chest, as her expression softened into concern.
I look at her, as my eyes filled with tears again. "Sarah... I don't know what to do... I think today, has just been a horrible day..." I murmured, I could feel the whole world collapse around me, as I tried to hold back what had happened today.
"Okay, let's go to your room, get you changed first, get you feeling like a person again, and then we can sit and talk?" She said, reaching out to touch my hand. I flinch away for a moment, and then suddenly let my fingers intertwine with hers. Her eyes fell to my wrist as she caught sight of the bruising. "What happened?" She said, her eyebrows furrow, as she looks down at the finger marks. The bruising was showing now.
"I j-just fell over" I stuttered, pulling my hand to my face and cupping it with my other hand.
"It doesn't look like you fell, Lily... Those look like finger marks, and the only person you've seen today is Hamish, Isn't it?" She pauses, I nod my head in response. "What the fuck did he do?" She questioned, I could sense a form of anger building up in her now, her eyes move up from my wrist to my eyes. I can't stop the tears from falling down my cheek now.