Commit

Preface

I lay in the creaky metal bed trying to be as quiet as I could, my hand over my mouth to try and quieten the noise of my heavy breathing. They didn't look around much, only to check we were all there, that no one was missing. I would be soon.

I could hear the faint snores of people around me, it was too dark to see but I had the strangest feeling that someone was watching me, that they knew what I was up too. I slipped my feet out of bed, wincing as they met the freezing stone floor, This was it, my only chance.

Everyone seemed to be asleep now, the faint laughing in the next room had quietened, all that was left was an eerie silence, a silence that meant I had to be too.

As slowly as I could, I slid out of bed and tiptoed to the end of the room, a wave of panic swept through me as the realisation of what getting caught would mean passed my mind. 'Just go' I silently reassured myself 'You can do this!'. I stood in front of the old wooden door for a few seconds, trying to stay out of the light leaking through the gap in the curtain. The coldness of the handle shocked me, all I could hear was my own heartbeat; Slowly I pulled on the handle and the door opened, then I ran.

1

I can still remember the day I found out that I was being sent here, my social worker sat me down on one of those puke coloured plastic chairs that they have in doctor surgeries and pulled that "I'll pretend I care about you" face.

'Now Jenny, I know it's been difficult for you these last couple of years and I understand that, but I think i've found the perfect thing for you'.

It was at about this point that I started to get pretty pissed with her.

'No, you don't "understand" how the fuck could you!, have both of your parents left you, moved to another country without you and left you here to rot?' Obviously I knew the answer to this, but I thought it'd be pretty entertaining to watch her fall on her arse explaining. 'Well, uhm, no' she stuttered awkwardly 'however since I have been in this job, I have seen enough people like yourself to have gained an understanding.. jenny, you have to trust me!'. 'Bullshit!' I shouted, probably not my most inventive comeback, 'where the fuck are you sending me now?'.

Boarding school, I would have rathered prison.

I've been moved around a lot since I ended up in care, not for any serious reason that you're probably expecting. I didn't start a fire in anyones living room, spray paint the walls, shoot the whole family, though maybe once or twice i thought about it... just kidding.

No, I just couldn't settle in, I didn't want to make friends with my foster parents or to make an effort at the schools they sent me too, none of it seemed important. So they'd move me on, tell me i'd be 'happier somewhere else', I never was.

It was a week before my 17th birthday when I was sent here, It was like god was blaming me for all of the bad shit i'd never done, and screaming 'happy fucking birthday Jenny'.

Even before i got here, I knew how much i'd hate it, 24/7 school, 24/7 people and rules, it just didn't sound like something that'd wash well with me.

Then there was the uniform, i'd never really been one to follow the dress code, my skirt was probably about 3 times too short to be deemed 'appropriate' and my jumper was also pretty tight, but hey, how else was I supposed to make an impression in this hell hole.

On the day of the move, i'd packed my suitcase full with my ugly blue and grey uniform; complete with matching pyjamas.. can you imagine, my entire record collection and 3 months worth of instant noodles (Hey, a girl can never be too prepared) I was already sat waiting in my foster parents living room when I heard them get up and knock on my bedroom door to check that I was awake, or that I hadn't jumped out of the window in the middle of the night and ran to the hills; I wish.

'I'm down here', I called irritably, wishing that I could just have a bit more time to myself before the chaos of the move began.

I heard Megan, my foster mom mutter something quietly under her breath; which was probably along the lines of 'makes a bloody change' then she began to walk down the stairs.

She forced a smile as she walked into the living room to greet me, 'wow, someones eager!' her smile looked so forced, I had to hold back a laugh. 'Ill just grab some toast then i'll be all set to go, do you want any breakfast Jenny? it'll probably be a long day', she was still looking at me in that fake, happy family way which i knew really meant 'Last few hours then i'm shot of you', the feeling was mutual.
I tuned back in from my daydream, realising that she was still stood there, waiting for me to answer her previous question. I contorted my face into an expressionless line 'I've already eaten'.

Her smile seemed to drop an inch as she turned and headed into the kitchen silently.

It might have seemed like i was being a bitch, which i probably was, but it's not like she didn't do her fair share of bitching about me. How else would the social services have heard about all of the little 'incidents' megan said she was 'going to keep quiet', which ultimately ended up in me being sent away.

may i reiterate that I never actually did anything majorly wrong, it was the things that I didnt do that was the problem. For instance, School was just a waste of time, the teachers didnt understand me, the kids were all stuck up posh twats and I found the lessons boring and pointless; which is why i decided to stop going altogether and instead hang out at the beach or walk into town.
Of course, when Megan had found out that for the last 6 months i'd basically been skiving every day, she had got all tearful, like she was actually my real mom and actually cared about my education. Really I think she was just scared that she would lose her job, so she ratted me out to social services & with the 'smoking on school grounds', 'ignoring my chores and duties at home' and the skipping school, it was then that they decided to ship me away because hey, how the hell could i flunk boarding school?.

2

After what seemed like an eternity of silent hell, We were finally greeted by the rusted iron gates of 'St Claires Academy for young ladies' Even the name made me want to gag. 
'Oh, it's beautiful Jenny!' Megan cooed, holding her hands up to her mouth like we'd just drove up to the gates of heaven itself. 
I just stared, not because I didn't have anything to say, Oh I had quite a few choice words I would have loved to have used to describe 'St Claires' but because I knew that arguing, kicking, screaming and refusing to go, wouldn't change the fact that we were here, and that I was about to get dumped in this shit hole no matter what I said.

On closer inspection, the main building was even more ancient and crumbling than I had initially thought, Scaffolding was holding up what seemed to be a large part of the structure, and the fountain in front of the main steps had long stopped working, and was filled with murky water, and god knows what else.
Megan however, still seemed to think it was a bloody palace. 
At the top of the stone steps leading to the main building was an old iron door, which took both of us pushing to slowly creak open.. not very handy for when I was planning to make my escape..
We were greeted by an overly friendly looking girl, with long red hair pushed behind her ears, and dimples on her cheeks.
'Welcome!' she smiled, holding out her hand to me 'You must be Jenny'.
I didn't take her hand, or even look up enough to meet her eye, Just nodded half heartedly and turned away from Megan, wishing she would do what we both knew she was waiting to, and leave.