— s o m e d a y
someday i will feel whole again
and my eyes will by dry
twinkling, too
i will walk through life
sans the weight on my chest
and there will be no ghosts
joy will hold my hands and guide me through my day
and i will follow, light as a small cloud
or a bumble bee
buzzing peacefully through a sunflower field
it could be any day, really
it could even be tomorrow
but it just isn't today
today i will break
and shatter and ruin nyself and make a mess
and i will have fun with it
twisted like i am
i will say i deserve it
because i do, i swear it
and then i will cry a lot
and let the vicious tape of my thoughts
run until film is no more
and my tears have all been cried
i don't know when that will happen, either
i don't know anything right now
but i know that in life
not everyone can be your friend
no matter how kind you are to them
and these nights are no exception
so i will sit by them
and we will simply sit in silence
until they decide to leave
and make space for friendlier guests
somehow
it always happens
no matter how long the loneliness stretches
but by god
does it hurt to be this way
