momma please don't cry, i will be alright | trevor philips

Chapter III

We Might Be Dead by Tomorrow - Soko

The sun crept its way through the lined blinds, it shined on the white tiled floor. I had gotten no sleep. It was expected, though.

The red car outside would not leave my mind. I only kept thinking if it were stalking me or if I were just going insane. It was an unhealthy habit. I always became obsessed with certain haunting thoughts that visited in the back of my mind every day for hours. I hadn't changed my clothes in two days, my stomach was growling in maze. Here is where I lay and take a pray to God.

There was a knock at my door. The knob twisted and in came a worker.

"It is breakfast time, come join us," the girl with the red ginger hair curled up into a bun, who was definitely over the age of fifty, said. She was a nice person, but I still hated her. She left the room with a smile. A smile I wish I had. I'm so tired.

So I had breakfast in the same quiet manner I had it yesterday, and the day before, and the months before. It was a good breakfast. Pancakes. Sausage. But then I saw Tiffany's big breakfast she brought in for me that day. I dropped my fork and placed my head in my hands. Why do I always do this to myself?

An unhealthy habit.

I wonder how Tiffany is, though. I wonder how she and Seth are. I wonder if she's happy. I wonder if she wonders about me. I miss her. I could dial up her number but my gut tells me that isn't a good idea.

Easton hasn't come down for breakfast yet. I also wonder how he is. I want him to smile for once. But even I can't do that. I haven't smiled in so long. Or laughed. I've just been crying. I'm. So. Tired.

I didn't finish my breakfast, I got up early and dumped everything off my tray. I knew that I'd have to take the trash out again. And I knew that I'd have to make a visit with that same red car again. I didn't want to. But I also did. I just want to know who the fuck is stalking me. But I have to wait till after dinner. And today I have to be in a circle meeting. Great. Time to hide back lots of tears.

God, give me some damn mercy.

Some stared at me as I walked off to the elevator to get to my room. I'm sure they wanted to leave, too. One day it'll happen and the sky will be all rainbows and sunshine again.

The elevator was so gray, so dull, so bleak. I sometimes thought it would be the room I'd die in. I shouldn't keep predicting my death, I've already predicted my "death" once. I'm still super pissed that I didn't die. I cry out in anger and it sucks.

I'm actually not allowed to leave breakfast early, but the workers just let me because they know that I'll just fight with them. I make my own rules. The hallway was pretty dead. No one was around. I know I could just go to someone's door and ask to talk for a bit but... I'm Bella, that's not me. I only do that for special people.

Special people. I saw Trevor's face again. I frowned and slammed the door behind me. You could hear my cries from across the world.

That day, it turns out we didn't have to do a circle talk. It was something different for once. We went to a flower garden that was just across the block. It's still boring but at least it wasn't the circle talk. That shit would've made me have another night of no sleep. And I changed my clothes. I put on a white flower-printed dress that had a low cut n-neck and wore my brownish corduroy jacket on top. I paired it with my black leather boots. My hair was also in two braids again.

We walked in a straight line to the garden, it was like I was in first grade again. I knew the workers were doing their best but come on, we were all over the age of five. We didn't need our hands held crossing the road.