The Choosing

Chapter Seventeen

I gave her a sad smile, "They killed my parents, I wasn't there but I just know they're dead. And they killed a little girl I tried to save right in front of me. Then, I went with them so that they wouldn't kill my-my boyfriend."

The word slipped out of my lips, but I knew it was close to being true. Well, maybe not, but it felt nice to imagine. Not to mention I conveniently left out the spot where I killed a man. I didn't want this girl to think I was crazy. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe I was.

"Have you tried escaping yet? I'm sure we can get out and maybe we can save your boyfriend too."

She began to walk around the room and try the window. That's when she noticed the bloodied blade on the ground. She looked at the small cut going down my wrist.

"Were you-"

She noticed the tears in my eyes.

"Oh my, I'm so selfish! I should have noticed you dropped it. Are you okay, baby?"

I shook my head, coming to terms with the truth. I had spent so much time pretending I was. Covering everything up deep inside of me. But the truth was, I was anything but okay. I think she could tell I wasn't the hugging type as she gave me a sad smile.

"I've been there. When my parents said I couldn't be with Rosaline I was heart-broken. They found me in the bathroom and rushed me to the hospital. When I saw her crying I knew I could never do that to her. I realized that no matter what was going on things were going to get better," her eyes clouded over, "Things were good for so long. Today was her twenty-second birthday."

She giggled as she thought about her lost love.

"She always made fun of me for being two years younger. God, I miss her. But honey, what I'm trying to say is, this isn't the way."

"But the voices, they got so loud. All of them were telling me that was the way."

She sighed yanking on one of her curls, "They can be convincing huh? What if, when you hear them you tell me and we'll distract you? You are worth it. You deserve to live."

It was like her words questioned everything I had ever thought about myself. But she was so wrong, I deserved nothing. I deserved to suffer. I deserved to die. I had killed a man.

"Can you tell me what you're thinking?"

I took a deep breath, "I'm thinking that I deserve to suffer and die. That the voices were right. I caused so much pain for everybody and me- and I-"

She nodded, "You can tell me. It's okay."

"I killed somebody. They were trying to kill her and I couldn't let them. I killed him. I deserve to die!"

She didn't say anything. Just a little gasp. Anything would be better than the defending silence surrounding us. Yelling or even fear would be better, but only silence was there.

"You hate me now don't you?"

She shook her head and my eyes widened.

"I killed somebody too," she whispered, "I did it to protect Rosaline. I thought you'd be scared of me if I told you. Maybe- maybe that's why we're here."

I knew why we were here already. I guess now was the time to explain to her as well.

"I know why we're here. My old friend Alistar kind of works for them I guess. He was sent to be my friend so that they could make me their perfect weapon."

Essence looked at me confused, "Uh, no offense, but what does this have anything to do with me?"

I gave her a pointed look and continued, "Do you remember the procedure everybody gets to take out the part of their brain that controls aggression?"