Beetlejuice the Musical Script

Fright of Their Lives

[Betelguese]
"So then I was like,
'let's do this!'
And she was like,
'but, I don't have any baby oil,'
but, then I was like
'but i got some guacamole,'
And that is how...
I made nachos with Katherine Hepburn"

[Barbara]
"I'm sorry,
but why are we in the attic?"

[Betelguese]
"Oh, right
I'm going to teach you how to be ghosts"

[Adam]
"Ooh, Barbara
This is just like one of our classes!

[Barbara]
"We took all these adult recreational classes
You know,
ballroom dancing,
Back yard composting"

[Adam]
"We just took this amazing glassblowing class"

[Barbara]
"It was so hard
We mostly just watched
And drank wine"

[Adam]
"Oh
And the teacher was Wiccan
So, kinda like this"

[Betelguese]
"I am not Wiccan
And this is nothing like this
Don't you want to get these people out of your house?"

[Adam]
"Definitely"

[Betelguese]
"Then you have to learn
how to scare them"

[Barbara]
"Can't you just scare the people for us?"

[Betelgeuse]
"Babs, I would love that
There is nothing
that would give me more pleasure
than to kill the people downstairs"

[Adam]
"Kill?
Hold on
We do not want to kill"

[Betelguese]
"Figure of speech, Adam
Jesus Christ, why you gotta be still sexy

[Betelgeuse]
"Here's the deal
no matter what I do
I can not affect the world of the living
But the two of you can
So what do you say?"

[Adam(Barbara)]
"Ok (let's do it)"

[Betelgeuse]
"Great!
On the count of three
Just yell out the scariest thing you can think of
One
Two
Three"

[Barbara]
"THE TRADER JOE'S PARKING LOT!!!"

[Adam]
"THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE!!
WHY IS OHIO SO POWERFUL?!!!!!!"

[Barbara]
"I want to change my answer"

[BETELGEUSE]
Okay
Listen up, I'm not gonna lie
Right now, you couldn't frighten a fly
Or scare a seagull off of a fry
You ever stop to ask yourselves "why?"

Both of you are super polite
Middle class, suburban, and white
Well, all of that is finished tonight
Except for the white part
Obviously

Take your places
I want scary faces
Now go!
Bigger
Further
Harder
Not bad

Sever a head
Preferably someone you know

[BARBARA]
"Look at me, I'm so scary."

[Adam]
"Who's head is that?"

[Barbara]
"I don't know"

[BETELGEUSE]
Don't be so vanilla
Would a little anger kill ya?
C'mon, drop your panties
I'm trying to fill ya
With wisdom and skill
And the instinct to kill

[ADAM]
"Again, we do not want to kill anyone!"

[BETELGEUSE]
"Fine! But somehow, someway, you gotta make 'em see ya. I'm talkin' jump-scares, the jerky Japanese ghost-walk
Plus-learn to throw your voice! Fool your friends! Fun at parties!"