A Spam Book

Daybreak's Crest Incorrect Quotes 5

Why do I make so many of these?

Because I'm procrastinating on writing Chapter 29. In the meantime, enjoy more of these incorrect quotes or something –

-x-x-x-

Pisces: Sometimes we screw things up for the better!
Sagittarius: That's a good motto – we should use it.

Taurus: You have to pick your battles wisely, Cancer. Pick... fewer than that. Put some back, that's too many–

Sagittarius: Cancer, we can't go in here. It says 21+ and there's only two of us!
Cancer:
Cancer: You're so stupid just invite more people –

Leo: If I die, I'm holding the greatest funeral party, and you're all invited.
Capricorn: If?
Cancer: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to, and he might not even die.

Sagittarius: It's officially noon and Scorpio is officially late for the first time ever!
Sagittarius: *takes a deep breath*
Sagittarius: Alright, let's do this! Who's got any theories?
Pisces: Um... he slept in?
Sagittarius: Slept in?! He has three internal alarm clocks set for daybreak! Come on! Who wants to take this seriously?
Cancer: Maybe he was killed in his sleep.
Sagittarius: That's what I'm talking about! Super dark, Cancer, but more plausible than Pisces' alarm clock theory.
Libra: Maybe he tucked himself into bed too tight and got stuck... I've had that happen before. (Gemini and Aquarius had to pry me out.)
Gemini: Maybe he fell into an alternate dimension where he's actually not a jerk!
Capricorn: That's a stupid idea. He's probably up early training and lost track of time.
Taurus, walking into the room: It's noon. Why is everybody still standing around?
Sagittarius: Scorpio is a few minutes late and we're all trying to guess why.
Taurus: I'd like to play. I'd say he's... in line at the blacksmith's.
Everyone, waiting to hear more:
Taurus: *nods like it's his final answer* This is fun.
Sagittarius: It is fun, but you're all wrong! He's clearly making out in the bed with Aries and then ended up confessing their feelings!
Everyone:
Virgo: I thought he and Aries got into a fight...
Leo: I think the making out idea sounds the most plausible. After all, after a heated argument, what better than –
Aquarius, unsheathing her sword: Don't finish that thought.
Scorpio: *runs through the front door in a sweat*
Sagittarius: There he is! Scorpio! Where have you been?! We've been WORRIED SICK! Care to explain yourself?!
Scorpio: I'm just 90 seconds late. It's not that big of a deal.
Taurus, crossing his arms: Scorpio, you will tell us and you will tell us now.
Scorpio: ...
Scorpio: There was a problem at the blacksmith's...
Taurus, clapping his hands together: I win.
(Aries, running in after Scorpio: Why did you leave me behind?!
Sagittarius: Oh, we forgot about you. Right. You exist.)

Sagittarius: *carrying all of the groceries on both arms*
Cancer: *reaches to help*
Sagittarius: *switches all of the groceries to one arm to hold Cancer's hand*
Cancer: That's not what I – okay.

Cancer: I have to kill her.
Aquarius: Who?
Cancer: *glaring at Sagittarius in the distance* I don't know how to hit on her so she has to die –

Leo: I was once arrested for being too handsome.
Aquarius: Charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Aquarius: We need to kill this guy, but make it seem like an accident.
Gemini: Say no more.
*later*
Guard: Looks like the killer beat him to death with a crowbar, and then placed a banana peel by his feet.

*explosion*
Virgo: Should we check on that?
Capricorn: I didn't hear any screaming, so we're either too late, or it's no big deal.

Aries, reading a recipe: "Beat three eggs."
Aries:
Aries: At what?

(alt. version, feat. Libra)
Libra, reading a recipe: "Beat three eggs"...?
Libra: I can't do that! They're innocent! They've done nothing to me!

Scorpio, in a letter or something: Aries, the worst thing you could do right now is take matters into your own hands.
Aries: *nodding to himself* Understood.
Aries, turning to Sagittarius and Taurus: It looks like we're going to have to take matters into our own hands.

Libra: I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.
Basically all of the Zodiacs: We know this, and we love you.

Sagittarius: Hello darkness my old friend...
Scorpio: I'm not your friend. (Go away, Sagittarius.)

Scorpio: I just want to hear those words. Those three words.
Aries: I love you.
Scorpio:
Aries: ...I will behave.
Scorpio: Thank you.

Capricorn: You can't just set all of your problems on fire...
Pisces, gigging like a maniac: You'd be surprised how many things are flammable.
(Libra: W-what's wrong with Pisces?
Taurus: Which one of you broke her?)

Leo: I've come to offer you some friendly advice.
Aquarius: I don't want your advice.
Leo: Well then, consider it unfriendly advice.

Taurus: First of all, throwing sand is an excellent way of putting out a vodka fire.
Virgo: W-why would you even know that?!

Gemini: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Capricorn: How in Cethia did you get into my room?!
(Virgo: What is 'Spanish'? Is this a new language of sorts?
Capricorn: wHY ARE THERE RANDOM PEOPLE APPEARING IN MY ROOM)

Pisces: If you use the word 'violently' to describe an action, it becomes funnier!
Capricorn: Violently studies.
Taurus: Violently bakes.
Cancer: Violently murders people.
Virgo: Violently worries about Cancer's comment...

Aries: What are all these dead bodies doing here?
Aquarius: Honestly, not much.

Aries: We can bake those at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Libra: No, that's not how you make cookies...
Aries: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!
Virgo: YOU'RE GOING TO BURN THE KITCHEN DOWN–
Aries: I'm going to harness the power of the freaking sun to make cookies –
Libra & Virgo: NO–!
Aries: FLOOR IT!