scars || sirius black

5 - the fallout

Nothing could ever make up for the time they had to spend apart, but it was start. She'd felt for so long that part of her was missing, her twin brother a distant memory but a constant ghost.

Remus was discharged on the Sunday morning but stayed around to keep her company for the day. James, Sirius and Peter joined them at lunchtime with a pack of exploding snap and some chocolate frogs.

That day was one of the happiest Emmy had had in a while. Despite the aches and pains, she felt so carefree and content, like everything was beginning to fall into place.

Madam Pomfrey reluctantly agreed to discharge Emmy that evening with the promise she would stay off a broomstick for at least another week, to James' dismay. As he argued with the nurse, she got changed behind the screen, bitterly giving in to holding onto a chair to step into her dungarees. Her limbs felt heavy and loose, and her ribs hurt like high hell, but she was determined not to show it. All she wanted was a night in her own bed back with the girls.

As they walked down to dinner, the twins tried to brainstorm cover stories for their absence. When she was at Beauxbatons' Emmy always made the excuse of having a sickly aunt she had to visit once a month, but unfortunately here everyone knew they had no family because Remus always stayed at James' during the holidays.

They finally decided on them having gone to Waterfleet, the tiny village where they grew up to sort out the house before they could sell it. In actual fact, she had no wish to sell it, not yet anyway, it had far too many memories.

After their mother had died, their dad had moved the three of them to the cottage, finding the bustle of the city too much in her absence. There was a trunk in the attic filed with the only possession of her he'd kept; some photographs, her old diaries and the veil she'd worn on their wedding day. Emmy remembered the day her father let her try it on, holding it like spun gold, and it fell through his fingers as she twirled around.

Emmy always wished she could remember something about her mum, but nothing ever came to her, not as much as a lullaby or a laugh. She knew what she looked like from photos and what she'd been like from stories her dad told her. Hope Lupin had been beautiful, inside and out. She was the first one on the dancefloor, often dragging him up after her, and the last to leave. She'd never pass up the opportunity to make someone smile, or feel special or loved.

But Emmy wanted memories of her as a mum, as her mummy.

And that was something she would never get.

She'd brought happiness to so many people, as was evident in the number of tear-stained letters that arrived in the years following her death, and touched so many people's lives that it cracked open Emmy's heart every time she tried to remember her and found nothing.

Remus squeezed her hand as they walked down the stone-paved corridor to the Great Hall, almost as if he could tell what she was thinking about. Her thoughts were drowned out by the happy chattering and the sound of dishes being passed around the tables moments later. They turned the corner and Emmy hesitated, trying to find friends when they spotted first her and stood up, waving enthusiastically.

With a glad smile she said a quick goodbye to her brother and jogged down the aisle to them, ignoring the jolts of pain coursing through her body.

"Emmy! We thought you'd only be gone one night, we missed you," said Lily wrapping an arm around her.

"Yeah who was I supposed to talk to in Potions?" said Marlene with that laughing glint in her eyes, "Sluggy?"

They all laughed at the idea of Marlene trying to hold a conversation with the professor.

"Oh, there was just more to do than I thought, might have to go back next month too," she replied with a well-rehearsed sigh of annoyance.

Alice slipped her hand into Emmy's and offered her a sympathetic smile, "This must be so hard, but we just want you to know we've got your back.."

"We're here for you, okay? For as long as it takes you to get rid of us," Dory added, smiling softly.

Emmy felt guilt flood her senses, now feeling bad for using what she thought was such a well thought out excuse.

As they were leaving the Great Hall after dinner, Emmy was distracted from her conversation with Lily about the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Goshawk, by the sound of purposeful footsteps. She turned around to see Dirk Cresswell striding up the corridor towards them.

"Emmy, can I talk to you for a minute?" he called.

"Yeah sure," she replied curiously. She turned and added to Lily, "I'll meet you back at the common room."

The corridor emptied and soon it was just them two of them there.

"So what did you want to speak to me about?"

He smiled awkwardly as he said, "Well, um this was supposed to be more romantic than me chasing you down a corridor, but I'd really like it if you'd come to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?"

In surprise, Emmy stumbled with her words. He blushed red and spoke again, "Look, I know we haven't talk a lot so this is probably a bit of a surprise, but I do really like you."

"Well... yeah that'd be nice, Dirk," she replied finally. What was the harm? she thought. He was so sweet and genuine, it was nice to know that someone she hadn't spoken to much had noticed her.

But still the memory of Sirius sitting on the coral reef with her that day under the loch crossed her mind. There was something more to him that she didn't think many people saw, because past the good look and charms, he was just like her. A little bit broken, a little bit scared, but still willing to try again each morning when the sun came over the horizon.