scars || sirius black

56 - oh Merlin

tw: depiction of a panic attack

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"Caradoc's dead," Fleamont managed to croak.

Euphemia cried out in horror and Emmy couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face as Sirius sobbed against her.

With a flick of his wand, Fleamont sent his patronus to Dumbledore and within minutes half the Order had reappeared in the Potter's kitchen.

The last to arrive was Brianna Tremlett. She ran down the staircase and skidded to a halt in the doorway. The room fell immediately silent and confusion crossed her face.

"What is it? What happened?"

Emmy stood on shaking legs.

"Caradoc didn't make it," she whispered, not finding the courage to speak any louder. The colour drained from Brianna's face and her knees gave out beneath her.

Everyone rushed to her and in the chaos that erupted around her, Emmy found her hand gripped in Brianna's and desperate eyes that pleaded with her to tell her a different truth.

"I should have told him," she murmured, horror entrenched in her voice. Emmy held her tight and all she could tell her was lies.

"It's okay. It's all going to be okay."

"It's never going to be okay again," she replied, her voice hollow. When Emmy look at her again she could see her breaking before her eyes. She held her tighter, as if trying to pull the pieces back together but the damage was already done.

"We need to go back, get the body," Moody was saying stoically.

"We can't go back now," Edgar Bones replied gruffly. "There's no way you'll get anywhere near them again."

"We have to try," he insisted. Emmy was only vaguely listening as she watched Sirius stumble to his feet. Her eyes widened as she realised he was reaching for the floo powder.

Shouts erupted as the others noticed too.

"Sirius, don't!"

"Padfoot," James called and he paused.

He turned around, face filled with agony.

"This is my fault, this is all my fault."

"What?"

"It was Regulus, he killed him."

The room stilled.

"Wait, hold on," he asked. "What do you mean?"

"It was a trap, the whole thing was a trap. Regulus was supposed to have the chance to kill me."

"Surely they didn't actually think he'd kill his own brother?" Elphias Dodge asked incredulously.

"Who do you think cast the spell that hit Caradoc? He was trying to push me out of the way."

Lily stepped closer, her voice soft.

"There was nothing you could have done, Sirius."

"I should have tried harder."

"You did everything you could to get him away from them. We all know how hard you tried," she replied gently.

The only sound was Brianna's sobs and Euphemia's attempts to soothe her.

He shook his head, "I should have forced him to come with me, not to take the mark."

Dumbledore's brow furrowed, "You have the mark yourself, my boy. There was nothing more that could have been done."

Sirius flinched, as did many others in the room. For some this was a revelation, for others a harsh reminder.