Artifice - Man x Man - Book Six

Chapter 26

"It seems silly to me to just be in pain; they could fix all his ailments, they could medicate his depression-"

I don't want to talk about this anymore, I don't feel comfortable talking about Verando when he isn't here, not with Tonic. This isn't a concern, this is pointing out someone's shortcomings. It makes me upset, it makes me angry. 

"He wouldn't be your father if they did that, it's as if you're suggesting they can just remove a person from their very being," I tell him quietly, slowly climbing to my feet. "Some people are brilliant because of their struggles, while I don't like to think about him being in pain and how it limits him, I think it's what makes him who he is.

Marisol said he was more reckless in his youth, I think I'm learning to appreciate how cautious he is. If nothing else, I know he thinks through everything he does. It makes me trust him, trust his judgment." 

Tonic falls silent and he stands as well, looking reluctant to allow the conversation to end. I picked the wrong person to vent to, I see that now, I just want him to go.

It makes me shift uncomfortably as I rub my bicep with the opposite arm, scanning the room in the awkward air. I part my lips to dismiss him, turning my attention to the door. 

"Is that why you like him more than me?" He finally tries.

I shake my head and take quick steps away from him to get some distance, and some room to breathe.

"I don't like him more than you, I love him Tonic. What is this? What is the sudden interest in me?!"

He pursues me, and I turn on him to warn him with my eyes. I don't need this, I don't need Tonic ruining this already fragile friendship. "I've always had some interest in you, you were the first person who believed in me, and you've been a good friend, I just hate to see you trapped in the same childish games-" 

I almost want to laugh because that's far from the truth, so I do. I laugh, in disbelief and awkwardness. 

"Why can't you just try? What does he have that I don't? I'm older than him, I'm more compassionate, is it sex? I can learn to give you what you want?" 

I want to put my hands over my ears, flushing at the complete embarrassment of this conversation. 

Sex with Tonic? Try? Why were these options?

"Oh my god, Tonic. Please. For both of our sakes, can we not forget this? I'm not going to explain why I love your father to you; I'm not going to explain my sex life to you! Stop! I'm ordering you, as your King, to stop!"

 He reaches for my hand, and I snatch it away from him, on the defensive. 

"Do not touch me." 

My mind flashes back to Shellshock, to my time as a tortured soul. He looks enough like his uncle to spark that fear in me, to throw my defenses up.

"Nic, you're being insane. Just talk to me about this; hear me out."

I set my jaw because before I would have. I would have felt it necessary to sit with him, to let him wear me down, perhaps he could have convinced me to try, but that is not who I am anymore. That is not what I feel inclined to do anymore. I am not weak, I'm a King, I have worth, and I have value beyond my body. 

"I don't wish to discuss this any longer. If you won't leave, then I will." 

He grabs my wrist as I go to leave and I yank the knife out of the holster on my hip, swinging at him only to have him hold the blade with the metal hand. "Let go of me."

"You're overreacting!" He snaps through his teeth, glaring down at me. "I just want to talk, and you've pulled a knife on me!"

"Maybe you shouldn't grab an armed man!" I hiss, twisting out of his grasp to quickly rush for the door.