Oblivion • Akutagawa x Reader

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Higuchi wasn't used to seeing anything but pride on you.

"What do you want?" You decide to speed up her thinking yourself, your own brain going on overdrive trying to decipher why exactly she was here. Why she made them call for you.

"You need to give Akutagawa his memories back."

The world goes silent.

"What?"

Your heart jumps out of your rib cage.

"I have consulted the Armed Detective Agency about my...request-"

"She basically begged her way in. It was quite something" Ranpo comments as he continue to happily munch on his snacks, an amusing taunt in his tone.

Higuchi clears her throat, continuing after pushing back her embarrassment.

"I-I am not here to stir up any sort of violence, I am here out of a shared interest of...safety. Akutagawa is getting out of control. We have never seen him so troubled, and yesterday when he said your name...the Port Mafia's business became yours. Everyone knows what you did 10 months ago...but we didn't know you were back. I'm only asking that-"

"You didn't know I was back? Is that a joke?"

This time, you are the one to interrupt Higuchi. Anger grows inside you as you hear her talk as if the mafia didn't lock you away for almost a year, as if it wasn't Mori who was completely aware of selling you away to some other power meaning to exploit you. The mafia leader makes it sound like you went on vacation after willingly harming Akutagawa, and it leaves you in outrage.

"No, we weren't aware that-"

"That what? That it was the Port Mafia that forced me to take away Akutagawa's memories of me in the first place? That it was the Port Mafia that tortured me for what felt like an eternity in the dark, leaving me with my own demons to each take a turn at causing me agony, only to sell me away and now ask me for a favour? You do NOT get to act like these were all choices I made out of my own free will!"

This is ridiculous. They have to be lying, the just want to take advantage of my situation!

"You were a traitor, and you hurt and manipulated one of our most valued. I can see you're in pain about the past but if you don't give Akutagawa's memories back now, he will break and put everyone else in danger. Didn't you claim to love him?!"

Every single nerve inside you works to stop you from killing the woman right there and then in front of you, your fury a burning, destructive fire inside your heart.

Claim to love him?

"No. I never claimed anything. I have never lied about what I've felt. I love Akutagawa more than anyone, and he is the reason I am still alive. I've held on to our memories and the hope that once I got out, I would be able to be close to him again. I'm out now, and he is not who I remember. I can't just make him remember something that doesn't exist to him. It takes time. All I wanted was to be loved the same way...and I was so close...I can't risk it all again...I have nothing but me left." Your whole body starts to shake as your wrap your arms around yourself, the shadows of your time in the mafia reaching at your toes as your struggle to keep all the monsters at bay.

Now is not the time to break down.

Higuchi stands up towards you and you flinch, a second of fear sparking your fight or flight response. The Port Mafia scarred you more than even you could tell.

I won't be pushed back to their void.

"Akutagawa has suffered just as much as you. You weren't there to watch him wake up the day you were taken away with no life in his eyes. He was confused, he kept looking like he was trying to remember something at the tip of his tongue but simply couldn't...he built more walls around himself after that than before. He woke up a ghost. There was no getting to him...even Gin shared complaints. We weren't completely sure what had happened, but we knew you had everything to do with it. Akutagawa never mentioned your name again, and every time you were brought up, he had no idea who you were...but there was some sort of pain he carried after those mentions. Akutagawa hasn't been able to concentrate on any missions. He's more reckless than before, and he feels nothing at all. You took away a part of him that made him truly human. He blows up over everything, and though he had a temper before it's different now. He's angrier, he can feel something is missing. Sometimes he wakes up with nightmares of a cell with silver bars around him, but there is nothing but darkness and himself on the outside. He knows he is trapped inside his own mind. YOU trapped him.  [l/n], after he saw you yesterday, that was the last straw. He knows something is missing, and it's hurting him not to know. Akutagawa is going to get us all killed destroying everything as he searches for answers. He's searching for you! You have to make him remember. Please."

Liar.

By the time she finishes, Higuchi is in tears, her soft brown eyes full of desperation. You had never seen her so openly upset, and it pangs you to see her weakly beg. She was supposed to show strength for the Mafia, and here she was crying because you disagreed with what she was saying.

"I can't force feeling."

"Damnit! Aren't you getting the point?! The Port Mafia underestimated you and Akutagawa. He still loves you, [l/n]! Not knowing it himself is killing us all, and what the boss doesn't need is for us to look weak without control over our own. This has built up over 10 months. I know I look stupid begging like this right now, but you would do the same if you saw the things I did."

You let out a deep, shaky breath, your thoughts like a tornado, unable to settle and spinning in your head.

Akutagawa is suffering because of me.

But I suffered because of the mafia.

What I do can't be for them, or else I let them chain me up again.

I won't survive another cage.

"Our dear [f/n] is right you know...this is the fault of the mafia and it is not our job to clean it all up...however..." Dazai speaks out of nowhere with a low voice, placing a hand on your shoulder and squeezing tightly.

"What?"

"She'll go with you as long as I go with her."

It's a trap! They're going to chain me again!

Pushing Dazai off you, you glare at him in disbelief.

"You are giving them everything they want! I'm becoming nothing but a puppet! You are letting them treat me like an animal!" You begin to yell, your hands going up to your head in panic.

Seeing this, Dazai pulls you towards him again but this time in a tight embrace. Leaning his head on yours he whispers with more care than you have ever heard him speak to you.

"Im doing this for your own good. Remember why you lived."