Lost Lovers {RENEWED}

Chapter I.

"Jace, I can't do it, I can't stay here with you." I whispered. If only he knew the real reason I had to leave... His golden eyes stared deeply into my green eyes and I felt him tearing my soul apart. His eyes became watery and his lips started to shake. I was leaving him and he had no clue why. He could never find out why I was leaving, it was for his own sake.

''Please, don't do it, Clary.'' Jace begged me. A tear rolled down his cheek and I gasped. Seeing him this vulnerable was new to me, I had never experienced him in this state. Usually, he was the tough, confident guy everyone was afraid of. Now he seemed like a lost puppy who just got abandoned by its mother.

''Goodbye, Jace.'' I whispered. I put my hand on his cheek and rubbed softly. I tried to hold back my tears once I moved my hand away from his cheek. This was the last time I touched him and it probably would always be the last time. I backed away softly as my steps were the only sound in this room. I turned around, facing my back to Jace and left the Institute.

Two years later.

''Come on, Clarissa. We need to go.'' Jonathan said as he entered my room. This was my life now, belonging to the Dark Side with my brother Jonathan. This was not how I wanted my life to be. I still dream of the perfect life I could have had with Jace. Being married, living together. Maybe have a kid or two. These were all just dreams and they would stay that way. Jace would never want me back, especially when he finds out why I left him and where I went. It's not like I had a choice though, it was either entering the Dark Side or lose Jace forever. I'd rather lose him while he's still alive then lose him and he's dead.

''I'm coming.'' I said to Jonathan as I just finished my make-up and hair. Tonight we were going to a party, not to have fun but to examine the downworlders. The Dark Side was much like the Circle. The only difference was that they didn't want the demonkind dead, they wanted them to be locked away. Still, with only a good reason, they only wanted them to be locked away when they had broken the law.

''You look beautiful, sis.'' Jonathan said as I turned around to face him. I smiled brightly at him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. I grabbed my stele and as I was about to portal away, Jonathan stopped me by grabbing my arm. ''There is something I haven't told you.'' He said and I saw the anxiety written on his face.

''What do you mean?'' I asked softly as I frowned. This was unlikely for Jonathan to keep things hidden for me, especially when it comes to a mission.

''The party we're attending is Magnus Bane's party.'' Jonathan said and I saw the pity in his eyes. For a moment my world stood still. Everything was frozen to me. For a minute I became numb to everything and everyone around me. Attending Magnus' party meant I had to face Jace, Alec, and Izzy again. Now, I know Alec hates me after leaving Jace, Izy would probably still be friendly to me but Jace... Jace would probably ignore my existence, just like how I did to him.

''I'm not going.'' I said to Jonathan and softly pulled my arm back from his grip. I put my stele back on my drawer and sat down on my bed.

''We need to go, Clarissa. You know we have to.'' Jonathan said as he sat down beside me. He laid his hand on my shoulder but I neglected it. I was looking towards the ground, trying to find my confidence but there wasn't any. The more I thought about Jace, the more I lost myself. ''If we don't go, the consequences will be for us.'' Jonathan said and I knew he was right. Disobeying an order or a mission meant serious punishment and I already dealt with enough of that for the past few years.

''Alright, I will go.'' I said and stood up from my bed. I inhaled deeply as I looked at myself in the mirror. It as clear enough I wasn't the same anymore. I lost some weight, my hair got a bit darker and my skin a bit more blemished. My bones were shown and I felt fragile. I seemed fragile but I most definetly was not. I had a lot of power, strength. I wasn't weak, I was strong. I have dealt with strong demons, maybe even the most powerful ones. Physically I was strong but mentally I was becoming weaker by the day. Jace was my rock, my shoulder to cry on. He was the one who kept me sane and going.

''Clarissa?'' I heard Jonathan say. I realized I zoned out for a bit. I immediately grabbed my stele and walked over to him. ''I won't leave you.'' Jonathan said to reassure me. I gave him a small smile as I grabbed his hand.

''Promise?'' I asked him and I could feel the tightness in my chest. My anxiety was taking over. I squeezed in Jonathan's hand softly as he tried to calm me down.

''I promise, Clarissa.'' Jonathan said as he grabbed his stele also. I nodded softly as I held onto Jonathan's hand tightly. Being a part of the Dark Side wasn't so easy. You'll be tested on your abilities and specialties. Jonathan and I happen to be able to make new runes with enormous powers. Recently we somehow made a new rune which helped us portal from point A to point B. If we wanted others to portal with us as well, we just had to hold onto them so they could travel with us. I saw Jonathan activating the rune and a heavenly light surrounded us. the ground below our feet slowly faded away and got replaced with something else. My anxiety grew, knowing in a matter of seconds I had to face the truth I ran away from.