One Night - Forbidden Hearts Series Book 1

38. Denial

My eyes closed tight at her words. I knew I hurt her badly, but hearing the confirmation caused an ache in my chest I didn't want to think about. And wasn't ready to think about it.

"I had to, Lanie. Ryan was right. I was going to end up breaking her heart anyway. Even if it wasn't intentional. Better to do it now and let her get over me."

Lanie looked like she wanted to strangle me. "Get over you? Jackson, she's not going to get over you. She's in love with you. Do you know how hard it is for her to be with someone? To actually feel like she can be herself with someone?"

The shocking part about that was, I could relate. I never felt like myself with anyone except for her. "That doesn't change anything," I said.

"Well, that depends. If you love her, it changes everything."

I started to get that familiar fight or flight feeling and I wanted to flee. But instead, I stayed where I was. "What makes you think that I love her?"

She waved her arms around the room. "Well, the many empty liquor bottles that are cluttering your room is a sign."

I couldn't find my voice to give her an honest answer. I didn't know how I felt. I tried to think that I did, but the truth was I didn't. I've never been more confused about anything in my life. I never hated myself more than when I saw that look on Harper's face that night. I knew I didn't ever want to make her feel that way again.

Lanie walked up to me and let out a long breath. "Jackson, no one can convince you that you love Harper. I can't, Ryan can't, and even Harper can't. You have to figure that out for yourself. You made her happy and I honestly believe that you can continue to make her happy. You just have to believe it, too."

She started to walk past me to leave and stopped to hand me an envelope. "By the way, this was taped to your door."

After I took it from her, she left. I frowned as I looked at the manila envelope and opened it up. What shot even more, was that it was addressed to me...from my mother.

My hands shook as I tried to read the words:

Jackson,

Since you don't have a permanent address in the States, I mailed this to your father with instructions to give it to you. I want to say thank you for everything. You have been the most amazing son that a mother could ask for. I'm so glad I got to spend my last days with you, Ryan, and Harper. You need to let her in, son. She's right for you. If you let her, she can make you happy for the rest of your life. What happened with your father and I is between us. Just because I got hurt, doesn't mean you will. Harper has an amazing heart and will definitely keep you on your toes. I can tell by the way you look at each other that what you have is the real deal. Even though it didn't work out with your father, I don't regret our time together. It gave me you, after all. You're a good man, Jackson. Don't choose to live your life alone like I did. Open your heart to her.

I love you my son,

Mom

P.S. If you've already fucked this up with her by the time you read this, groveling helps.

I reread the letter maybe twenty times. Something dripped onto the paper and I realized it was from me. I sat the paper down and wiped at my eyes. What the fuck was wrong with me? I never fucking cried. Ever. I tried to convince myself that it was due to my mother's letter from the grave, but that was a fucking lie, wasn't it. Sure, getting this letter hit me like a ton of bricks and I was still feeling the effects of the surprise.

I looked around my hotel room at the empty liquor bottles. I thought back to the night I kissed that other woman and how it made me feel. Disgusted. I hated myself for that. It didn't feel right from the start. Then I remembered when I was at that strip club in Hawaii. I didn't even want to spend one minute with those strippers who were throwing themselves at me. Why didn't I?

"Jackson, no one can convince you that you love Harper. I can't, Ryan can't, and even Harper can't. You have to figure that out for yourself."

Lanie's words whispered through my mind. Did I love harper? Could I be faithful to her? Could I see myself being with her for the rest of my life? The answer hit me like a freight train. Yes. I liked spending time with her. I liked that she seemed to understand me like no one else. She made me laugh, she comforted me, and most importantly, she as there for me when my mother passed.

I thought back to the night after the awkward non-double date in Ithica. I had promised her a date of our own after we got back to the hotel...

I stood on Harper's patio, waiting for her while she changed. The dinner went well and wasn't as awkward with Ryan and Danielle as I thought. I was glad it was over, though. I rather be spending my time with Harper. As I looked at the full moon outside, I couldn't help but think of my mum. It's been so hard without here here and I missed her every day.

"Hey," Harper said as she laid her soft hand on my shoulder, "you okay?"

I let out a deep sigh as I kept my gaze straight. "Just thinking. About-- my mum."

She stood behind me and circled her arms around my waist, laying her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I know you miss her."

I did. More than anything. I missed her laugh, I missed her voice...hell, I even miss when she scolded me. "At least she's at rest now," I said quietly. That was the small silver lining about this. I knew she was in a lot more pain than she admitted and I hated that.

She turned me around in her arms and lightly stroked my face. "She was so proud of you, Jackson. She told me herself."

That's right, they had talked in secret, didn't that? "What else did she tell you?"

Harper giggled as she took a step back. "Oh, no. Nice try. Not happening."

"Come on, Princess," I begged with a smile. "She would have wanted you to tell me."

Harper started backing into the room and she sucked in her bottom lip between he teeth. "Hmmm, maybe if you catch me!"

She ran into the room and I instantly took off after her. In just a few steps, I caught her. She let out an excited shriek as I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to her bed. I laid her down and looked into her eyes as I hovered above her. Amazement danced in her eyes as I traced my thumb over her lip.

"Go ahead and run from me, Princess. I'll always catch you," I breathed before I pressed my lips to hers...

I felt that same ache in my chest as before and I knew instantly what it was. Love. I fucking loved her. Holy shit.... How did I not notice this before? As I thought back over the past month, I realized I had known all along. I was just too scared to admit to myself.

My phone rang and I didn't even look at the screen when I answered. "Yeah?" Fuck my voice was rough.

"Jackson?" Ryan asked. "You alright?"

"I - Um..." Couldn't speak apparently.

Ryan was starting to get alarmed. "Did something happen?"

"Yes, I mean no. I...I--"

"Well, fuck me," Ryan laughed. "Did someone grow up? Tell me, brother. I need to hear it."

"I love her," I confessed. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. "Fuck, Ryan. I messed up. How can I possibly win her back?"

"Tomorrow's the rehearsal dinner," he said with a deep chuckle. "Don't worry. I've got a plan."