Desdemona

Chapter Eleven

Dess's POV

We lay in bed, side by side, both of our eyes closed, just waking up from a quiet, peaceful slumber after the high emotional level and events of the day before. It was early morning, and the clear, bright sunshine was streaming in through the windows, filtered and softened by the white curtains I had hung in an effort to bring some small amount of normality and light into Nott's depressing room. I actually loved his room, most of the time it fit my mood and reflected... me, I guess, but I had replaced his old gray blinds with these nice breezy white curtains when they had made me depressed, brought me down from my high, when I would wake up in Nott's room, in his bed, after the most amazing feelings of utter passion and yet somehow, with Nott, safety, and it would be gray, dark and gloomy, and memories and pain, and the reality of these two, would come crashing down around me and my smile would fade. But now it was perfect, the light shone in and I could see it, feel it, even behind my shut eyes. My smile remained on my face now, and I basked in the warmth, the peaceful joy that resounded through me, all the feelings and sensations that brought me to this part of my mind, where everything made sense, all was right with the world and I didn't have to worry or be afraid. I was safe here, in this part of my mind, in this house, in this position, with this person, the one I loved above all else. The white sheets tangled around my legs and strewn over Nott and I's bodies, the sunlight warming my face and turning the room to gold. I shifted slightly, and the bed moved beneath us and my hand brushed against Nott's back. The bed moved some more as Nott turned over so that he was facing me, and at last we opened our eyes. He was smiling too, a soft, sweet, simply happy smile that warmed me from the inside out. Nott moved forward just as I did, and I pressed against his chest as he put his arm over my bare shoulder. He ran his hand down my back, and my skin tingled where he touched it. I snuggled into his chest, loving the feel of his body beneath my hands, knowing that he was right here with me, safe and mine. I felt so good, happy, serene. But I knew I had to talk to Nott, he needed to know why I'd had a breakdown last night, after everything he's done for me it was the least I could do.

"Nott..." I breathed, still hiding my face in his chest.

"Yes Mona?" He prompted, rubbing my back reassuringly, and I knew that he was afraid that I would get lost in the vast oceans of pain that were constantly threatening to wash over me. I knew because I loved him that he was afraid of losing me to pain, afraid that I would drown in the dark, brooding depths. Afraid that something would push me to far, and that he wouldn't be able to bring me back.

"Nott, I won't leave you alone. Sometimes... Sometimes I get lost, but I know you'll always find me, that you'll be there to bring me back to the world of the living that you light for me. I trust you." I told him, my voice soft. Nott's arms tightened around me, and he pressed his face into my neck. I stroked his arm comfortingly, and kissed the hollow of his throat. I gently turned his head so that he was looking at me, and tilted mt face up to kiss him. Nott had helped me so much last night, without even knowing why I was hurting, but now he was afraid, and the one in need of comforting. I brought my hands up to lovingly caress his face, telling him with my touch that it was going to be okay, that I loved him and that I was going to always be there to love and take care of him. "And I'll always find you, love." I whispered. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I drew myself even closer to the keeper of my heart.

"I trust you too, Mona." Nott said, his voice quiet and clear. I kissed him once more, then raised my eyes to look up into his. "Tell me." He whispered. "Tell me why my angel was crying." He breathed, barely loud enough for me to hear, his voice so full of pain that I flinched. I kissed him again, not wanting to hear that pain, wishing I could make it go away.

"Yesterday... Yesterday, I went to my cliff, and it started raining- Oh God, Nott. I just don't know where to start, and to anyone else it wouldn't seem like the end of the world, but to me, it means starting all over again, repeating history, watching her hurt again, getting tricked. Nott, I don't know if I can live through it all again, I can't do it again." I started, my words getting stuck and tangled up in my throat, the fear building in my chest, and my breath quickened as I started to cry. Nott placed his hands on my shoulders, and looked directly into my tear filled eyes. The betraying tears rolled down my cheeks in defeat, announcing my pain. I blinked, my lashes wet and dark, Nott's face blurred behind the screen of tears in my dark eyes.