Jae's Scribbles

On Turning 16

After Billy Collins' "On Turning 10"

The whole idea of it makes me feel alarmed

like everything I have done hasn't been enough.

The feeling of stress, anxiety, and outright self deprecation just keeps 

stacking on like a pile of unread newspapers.

They all tell me I'm fine and I should be happy,

but that is difficult with the substantial amount

of pressure they all give me.

But I still remember why I've worked so hard.

At 6 I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment.

I watched the parades from the second floor

looking at all the happy faces below.

At 10 I was made fun of for not living in a house.

But now I live in a house

quietly watching my mom struggle less and less.

Back then I wouldn't have been this weak

to my feelings of self destruction as I am today.

Feelings of relief slowing being drained

like water in a sink.

This is my beginning of growing up, I say,

as I trudge through the hallways in silence.

I know it is time to say goodbye to these feelings

sticking to me like glue.

But it seems it doesn't always work that way.

I used to believe that growing up would be extraordinary,

but now I see the truth that was behind the scenes.

You make a mistake. It pays.