We barely slept after that and Josh was quiet for the rest of the night. I couldn't help but feel bad for him... he was clearly confused and I didn't blame him... I'd probably think I was dreaming too!
I glanced over at him. He was staring into space and looking numb.
"Josh, are you okay?"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know what you're thinking..."
"I'm kinda trying not to."
"What did you dream about?"
He paused, "I remember being in the mines when Mike found me. I didn't know where I was and... there was just so much going on... I didn't even know how I got there. I just remember Mike leading me out and... I had to walk through the water..."
"And?"
"And... I saw Hannah."
"What?"
"I saw Hannah. But... it wasn't Hannah... she was... one of them. She dragged me away and she... she showed me how to become like them..."
I remembered what the man had said about the Wendigos and swallowed hard, "did... did you eat...?"
The question hit a nerve and he quickly looked away from me.
"Fuck," he put a hand over his face, "I can't think about that, I can't..."
"Its okay," I squeezed his arm, "it's over now."
He looked back at me, "how can you even talk to me after knowing what I've done? I'm fucking disgusting." He closed his eyes and screwed up his wounded face, "I don't know how I can live with myself."
"You've been through a lot of shit but that doesn't have to continue. We all did things we don't want to do again. It'll be okay."
"Stop saying that..."
"I'll keep saying it until you start listening to me."
"How can it be okay? Look at me, Sam... I don't even know how I'm going to live like this... if I live at all. What if I keep on turning into this? Or my body keeps on dying while I still feel like myself?"
"We'll worry about that when it happens, until then we don't need to think about it."
He leaned over to me and rested his head on my shoulder, "I wish we'd never come up here the week Beth and Hannah died. None of this would have happened."
I rested my cheek on his head and sighed. Josh and I had always been close and it was nice to be able to be near him again. I felt myself well up and I wiped away the tears that fell down my cheeks.
"What's the matter?" He asked quietly.
"I thought you were gone, Josh... I mourned for you like everyone else did and... we all had a funeral for you... I thought you were dead."
"Maybe it would be better if I was."
I turned and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him properly for the first time since I'd found him.
"Please don't say that. You're one of my best friends, I'm so pleased that you're okay."
"Okay is kind of an overstatement..." he murmered but hugged me back, "thank you for coming back."
We stayed like that for a while before I got back up into bed, but Josh refused to sleep so went out onto the couch.
When I woke up late that morning, Josh was already up and wandering about. He seemed restless, "everything's so fucking reflective," he complained, "I don't want to see this shit," he pointed at his face.
"It's not that bad," I argued but he laughed without humour.
"Not that bad? How can you say that? Look at my fucking teeth! And my eye looks like its gonna fucking fall out!"
"Follow me," I went to the bathroom and dug out a toiletry bag, finding some antiseptic cream and telling him to sit on the edge of the bath. I went about covering the open wounds in the cream and he snorted.
"You think that's going to help?"
"Worth a try, right?"
He looked distant and I frowned, "what?"
"I'm hungry."
"I'll make you something."
"What if-"
"Don't say it. I'll make you something."
I went to the fridge and went about making a sandwich for us both. He watched over my shoulder the entire time and when I passed him the plate he looked wary.
I started to eat mine and after a moments hesitation he did the same.
He finished it quickly and set the plate down.
"See? You're fine."
"I guess."
He went to say something else and stopped. He suddenly shook his head and ran towards the bathroom.
I heard him get to the toilet and slam the seat up and my stomach tightened. His words resurfaced in my mind and I felt ill. If he was too far away from being human now... did that mean he had to eat what Wendigos ate...?
I shook my head. No. I wasn't ready to accept that.
I walked into the bathroom and put my hand on his back.
"I fucking told you," he gasped, "I knew it, I fucking knew it."
"You don't know anything for sure. You've been down there a long time, your body isn't used to eating things like this..."
"No, it's been used to eating people."
"Stop it. Look in the mirror, Josh. You're still a human being."
"Am I?" He turned and sat on the floor next to the toilet.
"If you were a Wendigo, do you think youd be able to talk? Or remember all of this? Or feel emotion?"
"If I was a human I would be able to feel the cold and eat without throwing up," he retorted with attitude. I was glad he hadn't forgotten his sarcastic sense of humour...
"I have an idea."
I went to the small fridge and took out a packet of steaks. They were only small but I supposed that given Josh's weight loss, it wouldn't take much to fill him up. I opened the packet and took one of them out before carrying it to the bathroom.
"Try this."
"Jesus, I'm not eating that!" He protested, his face screwing up in disgust.
"You have to try. If your body is used to eating raw meat then you might be able to digest this."
He groaned, "I think I'll just starve..."
"I'm serious, Josh. Eat it."
He took the meat from me and mumbled under his breath before taking a bite. He chewed it slowly and swallowed hard before looking up at me, "it's actually not so bad."
"Good. Now we just have to wait and see if you can keep it down."
He ate the rest of it over the course of a few minutes but he wasn't sick.
"See?" I smiled when I was sure that my plan had worked, "you just have to get used to eating real food again."
He nodded, "thanks, Sam... I was really starting to freak out for a second there."
"I got your back," I squeezed his shoulders and he smiled as best he could with his jagged mouth.
"Come on, let's go and chill out."
We got up and went to the couch, and I hoped to god I didn't have to see Josh's lunch again.
