Awakening

Chapter 22

Rose sat on Max's back porch, a cup of steaming tea in her hands. She was silently staring at the silhouette of the forest in the distance. The half-moon hung in the night sky, dark clouds obstructing its rays. She was calmer now, feeling a bit safer. But she could still feel the fear lurking just beneath the surface.

She cringed inwardly when she thought back to her behavior a few hours earlier. To think that she had lost it so completely. She had worked so hard, for years on end, to forget about her past. And just like that, the feelings of anxiety, hopelessness, inadequacy and fear had resurfaced, hitting her like a ton of bricks. One stupid flower, one stupid photo, had undone everything she had worked so hard to bury. After she had stepped out of that ice, she had made a promise to herself. She would never, ever be the victim again. She thought she had managed to keep that promise. But here she was, feeling very much the victim.

These thoughts were still swirling in her head when she felt Max sit down next to her. She risked a glance at him. He looked at her, a blank expression on his face. She didn't like it. She would rather have him screaming at her or telling her where she could shove it, at least then she'd know where they stood. They hadn't spoken a word on the way over. She was too freaked out and he was too upset.

She looked away and scratched an invisible itch on her arm. She heard him take a breath, like he wanted to say something but he stopped himself. She waited for a question or a remark, anything, but he just kept quiet. The silence was deafening. They sat like that for a while. The longer the silence went on, the more it felt like it was choking her, until she couldn't take it anymore. She had to do what she did best, run.

She softly put the cup down next to her and stood up. "Uhm. Thanks, I guess." The words sounded so stupid, but she had no idea what else she could possibly say to him at that moment.

She turned and started walking away when she suddenly felt his warm hand envelop her wrist. "And where do you think you're going?" he asked, his voice void of his usual lightheartedness.

She didn't turn around. She just sighed, before answering. "I have to leave. It's not safe here anymore, not for me or for the rest of the town." She thought about what she was leaving behind. Her class, her home, Emily. Max. She swallowed a new batch of tears threatening to fall and cleared her throat. "Don't worry. As soon as I leave, I'm sure everything will go back to normal. You and Emily and everybody else will be safe."

Suddenly he whirled her towards him. His face was a mix of emotions. Anger. Confusion. Worry.

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere" he said, a look of determination on his face. "I supported you, listened to you, and comforted you. Shared my past with you, which I don't do with everyone. I never pushed you for answers, even when I could see you were hiding something. Now I find out you've been lying to me. And now, now you're telling me you're leaving for some unknown reason and that everyone will be 'safe'. I think the least I deserve is an explanation, don't you?"

She looked away, ashamed. He was right. He was nothing but good to her, gave her no reason to distrust him, yet she wasn't able to bring herself to trust him. Why couldn't she just let her guard down, for once? She knew the time had come. She had to come clean.

She lifted her chin, barely managing to look him in the eye. "I'm so sorry, Max... You've been the perfect friend and I'm a terrible person for having lied to you. I'm sorry I didn't show you the same kindness you've shown to me." She looked up to him, her eyes swimming in tears. "You do deserve the truth..."

She walked to the steps of the porch and sat back down. He followed her, his face still a mix of emotions.

She took a deep breath, trying to ready herself for the conversation that was about to follow. She noticed she was shaking and crossed her arms, trying to steady herself and her emotions. She focused her eyes on the moon, knowing that if she looked at him she might not be able to continue.