Hanging in there

Water.

 Trigger warning, eating disorders and self punishment 

water has always been comfortable for me. but lately, it's my worst enemy. I no longer sing along to cheesy love songs while showering. instead, I sit down with my knees to my chest with the water as hot as I could get it. my skin turns a painful shade of pink. tears threaten to fall. yet I don't turn it down. it's never hot enough. it's never painful enough. I'm never good enough. no one cares if my skin is as red as a cherry after the shower. that my eyes are puffy and my nose is running. it's only self-harm if you cut right? not if you burn your skin or pinch yourself so hard you cry or kick your ankle over and over again for one small mistake. it's not self-harm to starve yourself and check your weight over and over again. to bite your cheek and lips till they bleed. 

Ah, the only one that hasn't made me cry. Surprising I suppose.