Say You Love Me

{17}

"But it won't last long," Luna said. "You can't kill them at this point, so it's probably just dampening them. The more you go, the more resilient the flowers will become to the surroundings and the less you will have your emotional attacks."

This was saddening news because the sea was the one place Hermione had been able to go and not cough up those ruddy petals that only made her think of Ron. She wanted to think of Severus, to be reminded of him more often than not, but honestly, they had tried it for a week. What had happened? She'd gone off into a row with him and ruined their peace with her flowers making her mood swings worse than anything else. When the flowers did eventually become immune against the saltwater-air, and things settled into love once again... how could she let him be broken by her? 

Not that she didn't have faith in his abilities to find a cure, but no one had done it before. 

"You miss him?" Luna asked into the silence Hermione hadn't realized she created. 

A nod was her only answer. 

"Just go apologize. Like I said before, your relationship with him affects your health. And if you want to get over the fact you'll throw a fit if you're there too long, then you need to go more often. I want to do a progress report at the wedding, by the way. We'll see how things are progressing and if the flowers have strengthened then."

Luna was right, as usual, and so Hermione conceded to the witch, heading promptly over to Severus's place in hopes she'd be the first one to make contact with him in a while. 

The summer air felt wonderful on her lungs the moment the disapparation was complete. The wards even still welcomed her as she went through his back gate, listening to the water come closer and closer. How she wished to join the swimmers' ranks and soak her hair in the cool liquid.

She settled for heading to the front of the small home knowing this place was liable to set her off if she spent too long there.

When she turned the bend, she found him seated outside, casual black attire of shorts and a long-sleeve his chosen outfit for the day. He wasn't wearing shoes.

Hermione made a strange noise of surprise which alerted him physically to her presence, though she was sure he had known she was there the moment she'd apparated.

"Hello," she said, walking up the few stairs to his porch where he was encompassed, nose in a book.

Severus did not look up. "Hello," he mumbled, his focus still gone, though his stance became agitated when she came closer, sitting across from him, tense like a small child who was about to be scolded at grade school.

"I've owled you several times."

"I know."

Hermione sighed. "They were apologies, all of them. I'm sorry."

"I see," he said, dropping his book into his lap, fingers still threaded through the pages. His focus was minimally on her, like it would have been in school.  "And are you done with your temper tantrum? Have you realized you over reacted? Are you coming back?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what?" It was not nice. It was the question of a man who had seen, done, and felt too much to be played around with.

"Of hurting you... of hurting myself."

Severus scoffed, his lips a tight frown that she'd seen many a time in his time as her professor.

"And you think that I would hurt you?"

"No," she interrupted, her stern voice enough to quell even him, it seemed. "No, I don't know what the future holds, and it terrifies me that I will hurt you still."

"You wont. Why exactly did you overreact the other day, that is something I would like to know? You are aware what I must do to test potions, and I know you had been upset by this, but that's why I tried to do it while you were away. I also chose one of society's more deplorable creatures, so as to not harm you further."

"I don't want to see anything harmed for my sake!"

"They were spiders!"

His yell was pungent, even catching some of the muggles attention from the beach.

Severus settled back down after seeing the uncomfortable look on her face. She had slunk back into her seat, wishing the deck would swallow her whole. He set his shoulders back and finally released his reading material to a nearby table. 

"Hermione... what really happened?" 

She thought about all the things Luna had said to her at her appointment, the way the flowers were degrading in her while she was here until they one day would begin to grow stronger. The more time she spent here, the harder things would be if they were together. If she told him it was just the way she felt, then maybe he would realize how bad of an idea it had been for them to be together. 

"I was upset, and I think that it's best if we remain separated if you will continue to conduct your business the way you do. I don't care for it... or you."

To say she really cared about a few large spiders was a lie. Potions was a testy subject, and if a few spiders needed to die so she could live, then that would be fine. Having that one taste of bliss however, made her decision very hard. It was just better that he see it this way so that way in the end he was not hurt. Maybe if she broke his heart like this he would see reason. 

"Fine then, Hermione. Have your secrets. What happened a few weeks prior, however, will never be in your favor."

"Can I come back tomorrow?" She asked suddenly, looking out at the water, then back to him.

He analyzed her quickly, knowing what she wanted before it could even be brought up.

"You want to swim."

"Yes."

She was surprised that he was not snarling at the hope inside of her considering they were no longer together, but she got her own when he spoke. 

"You can stay the evening, if you'd like. I will make breakfast, and pretend I don't want you warming the other side of my bed."

"Severus!" She scolded, the idle smirk on his face cruel.

What she wouldn't give to be able to fulfill such a want once again. 

A/N

Also known as, he's forgiven her... a little bit. Content to be friends in his own way for now as long as he's got her. Besides, he definitely knows (like we all do really) that just being friends won't last long. 

I hope everyone is staying healthy and happy out there! Hopefully you're enjoying your weekend as well! See you next time!