Loving Damon

| 10 | The Emotional Roller Coaster

| Ariel |

Never have I been so bold. Never have I imagined myself standing so confident and spilling such loud words from my lips — especially with the one man my body craves and my heart calls out to.

As a girl when I was around Damon I was stumbling across my words and shy to meet his gaze but it seems as the years have passed those things slowly started fading, was it because I felt so comfortable with him now? I felt so sure he would never be ashamed of me or hurt me with words?

In the back of my mind, I had to ask myself why is it that this past week I have felt so comfortable with him? Sure I have my shy moments around him but that will never go away, Damon just brings the blush to my cheeks no matter how hard I try and push it away.

Pulling my hair into a messy bun, I lick my lips and reach up, running my fingertips slowly across them remembering when his lips were so close to mine, so close I could feel his breath caressing my lips.

"I don't make love, I fuck, hard. I would ruin you baby and I cant ruin such a perfect princess."

A shiver ran down my spin and goosebumps raised upon my skin and it wasn't because I was cold, this was all caused by those taunting words slipping from Damons lips earlier today.

As much as I want to admit that what I told him was simply to tease him, it wasn't...I find myself thinking what it would be like to have a man desire me so much that he looses control, that he brings out something so sexual, so primal in me that I get lost in a cloud of passion and desire, that I forget who I am for a moment.

With Andrew it was never like that, there was no heat, there was only a sizzle, a hopeless, disappointing sizzle. What he didn't lack in looks he lacked in the bedroom. I may have had nobody to compare him to as he was my first but a woman knows when she's being cheated of pleasure. There has to be more to it, there has to be more to sex and intimacy than what Andrew was giving away. I refuse to believe sex with someone you love is so...so...

Bland? Lame? Lackluster? Damn it to hell, all of the above.

My first time with Andrew was okay, not at all what I imaged. He took care of me and surprisingly was caring enough but it felt like there was no emotion there, like he tried to be loving but he was falling short. It seemed like for the two seconds of pleasure he would give me he would take double for himself. Being with him wasn't desirable, it didn't have me shattering beneath him or loosing my breath. Ive only had Andrew as experience but from what I've read in romance books and seen in videos, I figured having an orgasm would be more, well just more. More breathtaking I guess.

Or is it because I never had an orgasm with him?

I groaned internally and lowered my head in shame. How pathetic! Is it possible that I never truly experienced an orgasm? It had to be that. This is embarrassing how naive I feel right now.

I want that raw, passionate, animalistic fucking. Call me weird, call me crazy but I want it so bad I can almost feel what it would be like. I want to be so heavily desired that both him and I cant think straight, cant see straight until we get enough — if that him is Damon, I'm almost sure I couldn't ever get enough.

I saw the desire on his face before I walked away and I knew I had to bolt out of there before we did something we both regretted.

"Ive been waiting for someone to fuck me so hard they will ruin me for other men, but because Im too much of a princess for you, I have to find someone else to get the job done."

At first I was simply trying to taunt and tease him with my words but it seems like my plan backfired on me and created a desire for him deep within my belly. One I hadn't felt in a long time, not even with Andrew — may he rot in hell.