Selfless | Fourtris

Chapter 1

It is that time of the year again. It is the time of the year where my mother gently combs back strands of my honey-blonde hair behind my ears, snipping away at the ends as strands of golden hair fall gently between her fingers, slipping through them and forming a halo around the base of my feet.

Snip. Snip. Snip. There has always been something therapeutical about the soft click of metal against metal, slicing through something as soft as hair. In the clear cut, stoic world of the Abnegation, the unpredictability of my mother's movements as she trims my hair is a welcome presence.

"There you go, Beatrice." My mother lifts my chin up and observes me with an endearing gaze, like an artist admiring their art. "How do you like it? Is it still too long?"

I know my mother is breaking an Abnegation rule by asking me for my opinion, but I appreciate the fact that she does. That's the thing about my mother, she is always brave and kind in the smallest moments. Something I am not and will never be. My hair still falls past my shoulders, which will be an inconvenience in washing and tying up. But I must not be self-indulgent. I must be selfless.

"I love it, mom. Thank you." I smile back.

"You're very welcome, Beatrice." She responds, sliding open the cupboard door to reveal a mirror, dust-speckled with age and neglect. I know what to do. I peek at my own reflection in the mirror, watching my azure eyes look back inquisitively at me in the mirror. I twist my golden hair around my finger, watching the way the person in the mirror mimics my actions, moving her finger around and letting go. It's strange, seeing my own reflection. Us Abnegation are not supposed to be vain.

"Time's up." My mother reminds me, sliding the door shut. I know she gave me a few extra seconds in the mirror, and I smile at her appreciatively for that.

Tomorrow will be Choosing Day. It is the day where some leave their families to join new ones, while some stay with the families they have grown up with and lead the same lives they have lead for sixteen years. Abnegation transfers are a rarity. We are never self-indulgent. We never seek for more, instead choosing to serve our community by remaining in our existing lives. At this point, it is an unwritten rule that the Abnegation do not leave their faction.

My parents expect my choice to be Abnegation, of course. But there has always been a part of me that wonders what life would be like outside the grey concrete buildings of my faction. What would it be like to be free and brave like the Dauntless? Or truthful and virtuous like the Candor? Or happy and free like the Amity? Or knowledge-seeking and purposeful like the Erudite?

I picture myself, clad in skin-tight black clothing from head to toe, my hair falling free past my shoulders, as I run amongst the Dauntless, cheers and whoops permeating the air. I imagine running through Chicago, adrenaline coursing through my veins. Jumping onto trains, jumping off buildings, as the Dauntless do, melding into a sea of black and red.

Stop it, Tris. I chastise myself, Dad has always told us that imagination and daydreaming are self-indulgent and therefore, we should not partake in these activities.

I know that I will choose Abnegation tomorrow. My aptitude test will help me with this decision. I will be part of Abnegation, grow up to marry our neighbour, Robert, and have two children, a boy and a girl. I will be a teacher, while Robert- a council member. We will teach our children economics, science, languages and maths. They will play with our neighbours' children in their spare time and volunteer in shelters to feed the factionless. It's a simple process, really. The very same one that my parents followed. And their parents before that.

"Ready, Tris?" A deep voice penetrates the air, shaking me from my thoughts. It's Caleb; and of course, he's already downstairs, ready to make his way to the Choosing building.