SCPs but they're explained by an idiot

SCP ship stories with salt

Some disclaimers:

-I'm bored. If this wasn't what you were looking for, that's cool. I'm not going to do this sort of thing forever, or anything.

-If you get easily pissed, or you disagree, that's also pretty chill. Just don't, uh, rage about it, or anything.

-If your story, by some miracle from above your story does get featured, well whoop de doo for you

-Most of the things I say are JOKES. If you didn't know that, well you do now.

-I'm not claiming rights over anything. That's just dumb.

-Take everything I say with a pinch of salt, and maybe you'll learn something. Idk.

-If I get a fact wrong, then my bad. Feel free to correct me. You can join in on the fun.

-I'm reading these so you won't have to. You can thank me later.

Still there? Good, let's scope out the market.

Who's our first victim? Hmm, decisions, decisions...

let's go for a classic, SCP-035 X SCP-049

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

okay uh, number 21, scp-035 X scp-045

yes, that's the title. I already have extremely low expectations for this

wait, the author is named 'HoneyBeeBuxx'

lovely.

let's read this trash fire of a story

*Reading*

I already have problems with this, oh boy, well, you see, 035 is a possessive mask. It can't lay down. Also, grammar.

Wait, 035 isn't stored in the same site as 682, right?

Hang on...........

great it doesn't even say

well fine, I guess you get that one, HoneyBeeBuxx

I think I've already said this, but 035 can't walk.

Also, wow, I'm not even half-way through the first chapter and you're already stating that 035 'loves' 049

I mean, yeah, I could tell or something, but I think you're laying in on a bit thick, there bud.

I can't even finish this

so, logical atrocities aside, that wasn't too awful

5/10 stars

NEXT

Okay, I don't want to go too far down, mostly because I'm wholly afraid of what I'll find, so

so lets read this:

number 6, SCP-049 x Female!Reader

Written by MsLacroix

this is

this is going to end out great

One sentence in, I have some problems

I'm pretty sure someone would have noticed that 049 is not in containment anymore

or is this before containment

Although I think this ship is kinda dumb, lets give this author a chance and assume, on a whim, that this is before containment

Okay, um, I don't want to be that person, but you know, I made three chapters about 049, I feel like a seasoned pro, so, I'm just going to put this out there, 049 doesn't....have a gender. Technically. Which may or may not put a hamper on this, but hey, I'm being logical.

also: this story has smut

so I think that it will automatically qualify for the 3/10 star tier

Anyway, moving on, oh hey that's new

'SCP-079 X Hacker!Reader'

Written by......M0r3F4n.

First sentence in, not so bad, (bold of you to assume that I sleep)

okay, not so bad, and yes, in a sense, you did get kidnapped

although, if this is a X Reader, then that means, in a twisted sense, that I got kidnapped

nice

here's a quote: "What kind of sick things are going on here if they reference to me as a new 'test subject'??"

G R A M M A R

also, I write about the twisted things we do here, you tell me

also, the whole 'follow me and nothing bad will happen to you' thing is somewhat of an overplayed card, but sure.

never let the readers chose the name of the doctor

Never. I mean, the comments were comedy gold, but still.

You get a solid 7/10

not bad, not good.

All in all, I lost my faith in humanity, and please don't be like me

it's like in mythbusters, I'm what you call a 'pro'