Secrets

Ch. 10 - Too Small

A/N: Hi all! I don't know if anyone reads this story anymore, but here is an update as it has been far too long. Enjoy!

Ellie POV

It has been several days since the attack and since I have been discharged from the hospital. Eliza was able to take off a couple of days to stay home with me, but the days she couldn't I would go with her into work. Luckily today was Friday and she didn't have to go into work, so I could lay in bed with her for awhile before she got up.

She's still asleep in just a tank top and underwear and I'm in PJ shorts and a sports bra, I got hot in the middle of the night so I took off my shirt. Ever since the incident, I've been in between little space and big. All of my thoughts are big thoughts, but my actions and communication is all little, it's so weird. Normally if I was big, I'd want to do something sexual since she's in a tank top, but how I am right now, I just want her comfort.

Feeling myself slip farther due to the memories of the attack, I really need Mommy's comfort. Sometimes nursing helps calm me, so I carefully pull her tank top down so I can reach her nipple without waking her. As soon as it is free from her tank top, I lightly begin to suckle on her nipple and cuddle farther into her. Mommy is asleep still, but even in her sleep, she manages to pull me closer into her. As the warm milk floods my mouth and the warmth of her embrace surrounds me, I begin falling back into a peaceful slumber.

Eliza POV

I wake up a little later than normal since I don't have to go into work and I know Ellie likes her sleep so I doubt she's awake. Speaking of Ellie, I feel something on my chest so I look down and see that Ellie has her lips wrapped around one of my nipples, but she is still asleep. She must have woken up and decided to nurse.

I run my fingers through her hair in hopes to peacefully wake her up, luckily it works. Her eyes open and when she sees me she smiles around my nipple before removing herself from me. "Hey sweetpea, did you sleep okay?" She just nods before resting her head on my chest. It's a little weird not to get a verbal response from her, but this week was definitely hard on her, so I try again, "I took off work today instead of working from home, do you have anything in mind on what you want to do today?" I ask her hopeful she'll respond.

Ellie just looks up at me before shrugging. "Ellie, is everything okay?" Another shrug. "Are you little right now?" I ask again and she just nods meaning she's too little to actually respond. "Can you show Mommy how little you are with your fingers?" She nods and then holds one finger up indicating that she is 1 years old in little space right now, I'm not sure she's ever been that little before.

"I bet that's a scary feeling huh? Is that why you nursed earlier while I was asleep?" She nods again before I kiss her temple. "Next time wake Mommy up so she can help you, okay baby? Now how about we get up and get ready for a fun day together!" She smiles real big and sits up. I follow suit and put on shorts once out of bed. Ellie is sitting on the side of the bed right now, so I head over to put a shirt on her.

Ellie POV

Mommy grabs a shirt for me and makes a popping noise once my head fits through the hole, I giggle at her, I love when she plays. "There's my sweet girl's laugh, I was worried I'd have to bring in the tickle monster!" I shake my head real big before putting my hands up in the air showing her I want up.

Mommy picks me up and takes me into the kitchen where she sets me on the counter so she can start making pancakes. Which, by the way, are my favorite! She's really trying to make me feel better, I love her so much. I don't think she's heard me say it since I was in the hospital, so I decided to meet her half way.

"I love you momma." I say quietly. Mommy looks over to me with a shocked expression before it turns into one of excitement. "There's the beautiful voice I've been missing!" She picks me up and holds me tightly to her, "I love you too baby girl, so much." I smile and give her a kiss on the cheek before she sets me back down onto the counter.

We finish up breakfast and make our way to the living room. Mommy said I'm going to have some quiet play time in the living room while she cleans up the kitchen and then we are going to do some finger painting.

Mommy comes back to get me and takes me into the kitchen where she has an old sheet on the floor with a bunch of paint and paper. I scramble out of her arms and immediately go for the paint. "Whoa, whoa little one, let Mommy get it all ready for you." I blush and quickly sit down while I wait for her to get it ready.

We paint for a couple of hours until it is time for lunch. We had fried balogna sandwiches, she's still trying to make me feel better since she knows that is one of my favorite childhood meals. After lunch we watch TV and cuddle on the couch. I love cuddling with Mommy, she always lets me be the little spoon. After awhile, dinner rolls around and Mommy decides to order chinese food. I ended up making a mess of myself, so Mommy said I needed a bath.

Eliza POV

We had a really quiet day in and Ellie is definitely opening up more which makes me extremely happy. I get really worried about her when she gets too small to communicate verbally, which hasn't really happened until now. We painted all morning, which for her being in little space, she did an amazing job, so of course her paintings are on the fridge which of course she insisted didn't need to be. I don't care though, I'm proud of her, and when I told her that she blushed bright red.

After painting and between meals we would just cuddle on the couch and watch TV. She snuggles so deep into me, I love it. Once dinner rolls around, I decide to order chinese, which is one of her favorites. I have been trying to make or have all of her favorite meals to help her feel better.

During dinner, she somehow managed to make a complete mess of herself, so I decided she needed a bath. "C'mon my little Ellie-bellie, time for a bath." I said as I carried her into the bathroom. I started the bath water and helped her undress. After the bath was at the right temperature I helped her in and put some bath toys in for her to play with while I bathed her.

I finished bathing her and since the bath water was still warm, I figured she could stay in a little while to play. That was until she started pointing at me. "What's up sweet cheeks?" She pointed at me and then the tub before saying, "Mommy bath?" Kind of confused, I responded, "I just gave you a bath?"

This caused her to giggle, "Silly mommy, you take bat wit me?" Oh, that makes more sense. I turn some hot water on into the bath, so we can stay in a little longer and I get undressed. I turn off the water once I think it's hot enough and step in behind her and sit down. She immediately backs up into me and turns on her side so she can lay her head on my chest.

As I run my fingers through her hair, I can physically see all of the tension leave her body and she sighs in contentment. "Ellie-Bellie?" She glances up at me before saying, "yes mommy?" I smile and give her a kiss on the top of her head, "I love you with all of my heart, I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me or to shutdown on me, okay my sweet baby."

"Okay Mommy, I love you too." She lays her head back on my chest and walks her fingers up my arm, "I loved you as Eliza my girlfriend first, but I'm really happy to have you as my mommy too." She must be coming out of little space a bit, "And I loved you as Eleanor my wonderful, beautfiul girlfriend first. I am extremely lucky to have you as my baby girl though. I love little you and big you with everything I am and I will never give that up."

She smiles at that before leaning up to give me a kiss on the lips, I respond back quickly and sweetly. I don't want to rush her with everything she has been through and I don't want to push her past her limits.

"C'mon baby, lets go get ready for bed." I help her out of the tub and get her into PJ's and do the same for myself. We get into bed and Ellie snuggles into me before I decide to ask her if she wants to nurse. She nods her head eagerly and lets me help position her. She nurses for awhile until she finally drifts off to sleep. I carefully position her to where our fronts our facing and her head is on my chest. I kiss her head and say, "I love you and will always protect you baby girl," before drifting off to sleep myself.