11 Dates

Date 1

"Yeah. Just feeling a little light-headed." I couldn't hold myself back after hearing such a sweet voice. I even looked up at her and tried to smile, but failed miserably.

"Please let me know if you need anything. I am Gabi." She introduced herself. It would have been fine even when she would have not introduced herself. People never introduced themselve to me and at some point I got used to it. I was the invisible person.

"Thank you." I noded. I wanted her to be gone from there. I was not trying to be rude, but I could not stand her any longer. I wanted to sit alone in my misery. On that clue as to reading my mind, Gabi left me alone. I was very thankful to her for that.

I was almost on the verge of having a mental breakdown right there in an unknown cafe full of people I didn't know. I was barely holding myself together with the last string of courage left in me. My mind was full of nonsense topics and I could not make it stop thinking. Everything was running in my mind at the same time. It was ready to explode and out of y control. I was feeling like life was slipping out of me. I started scratching my arm. I kept on doing it until it started bleeding. I moved my attention to something or anything else. I was hurting myself physically. I was losing it badly in a public place. I was having trouble breathing. I was shaking a bit too. I did not feel that, but I knew that. I was a mess of emotions at this point. I saw my life ending. I could not salvage it. i had no idea why I was in this place. I wanted to leave this place so badly. My body was not cooperating. I could not move from the chair I was sitting in. I was experiencing a new emotion every second. I was angry at one second, exhausted next, disappointed, broken, and what not.

I looked up to see what this place looks like and my gaze fell on the pair of blue eyes staring at me. I did not know this person or my brain is playing tricks on me. No, I am an Indian. We have black and brown-eyed people, not blue-eyed ones. He still looked familiar. I looked down at my hands again. This attempt to calm me down failed miserably and awkwardly.

"Excuse me mam, is this seat taken?" A hand was being pointed towards the chair opposite me. I traced the hand back to the person. It was the same pair of blue eyes.

"No." It was all that I managed to say. At this point I had no control over my emotions or my words. Things were happening on their own.

"May I have the pleasure of sitting here with you, mam."

"Sure." Okay, I accept, I was rude. But the panic made me hyper-alert. Strangly, I was aware of all this too. My eyes were starting to burn. I needed to blink frequently to keep the open.

He smiled. He was the most gorgeous man have I seen on planet earth. I was staring awkwardly at him having no control over my actions. Throughout my life I had to fight for everything and I always got worst even after all that fighting. So a handsome man sitting next to me did not make much sense to me neither in real life or in dreams. Was it a dream? Were things going to okay once I wake up and open my eyes? Was my mind palying tricks on me? Was I going crazy?

My tea arrived and I started sipping it silently.

"May I have the pleasure of knowing the name of this beautiful lady?" He pointed at me. He was talking to me which did not make any sense. If my husband saw this, I was deep in trouble. I have to wake up from this dream before I said anything loud. He was going to hurt me physically, if he heard me blabbbering anything even in sleep. It was unacceptable for him. According to him, I was a woman and woman only have two places in home either kitchen or husband's bed.

"Dr. Amrita Singh." I shouldnot  have said that. I regretted speaking to him. I wanted to live longer for my son. My husband would kill both of us, if he found out.

"You are famous Dr. Singh. You are so beautiful. Is there anything I can do to help you Dr. Singh." No one ever callled me beautiful in my entire life, not even my own parents. I was always that ugly financial burden whom they had to bear with till i was married. My parents made a point in not hiding this from me.

His politeness and his manners were killing me. Probably he was just concerned or he was just flirting. It was all so annoying and morally wrong even in dreams. I pinched myself. I felt the pain. It was not a dream. It was reality. I was feeeling disconnected. I was inacapable to sepearting reality from dream at this point.

I was miserable. I wanted to feel miserable. I wanted to feel like the pathetic loser I was. His humbleness was not helping me with that. I took a long breath and focused on my tea. I gulped the hot tea burning my tongue and throat in the process. I wanted to move away from him. He was suffocating me. He was toxic person just like my husband. He was bothering me so much. His presence alone was enough to make me suicidal. I was scared of him hurting me physically.

I called the sweet waitress and paid the bill with some tip and was about to leave the cafe to go home and cry alone when he spoke again.

"Can I have your phone number please?" I needed to get away from him. His presence was making me go insane.

"I will give you my number if we met again." Some dumb lines from some movie came into my mind as a reply. But this best I could say considering the havoc just came into my life. I was focused on my patheticness right now and I was not sorry for that. With this, I left the cafe.

I returned to the place I have for a home for coming one year and cried like a baby.