11 Dates

Date 1

I entered the restaurant mentally broke, about to cry, trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I could not believe my own ears. All my doubts were not just doubts. They were true. I was not imagining things. It was really happening. With that one phone call, I lost everything I had. Before that phone call, I had people whom I called family, a house I called home and people I called friends. After that one phone call, I had nothing left anymore. My family hated me and did not want to see me anymore. My house which was my hideout, was taken away from me. The people I called friend betrayed me and cut me off like I never existed in first place. But I had enough of all this for so long and finally it all ended. I wanted it to end myself but never had the courage to do it. I was not a person who shared. I wanted it all or none. Beside no one cared about my opinion or bothered to ask me.

I was walking on the roads of London in a chilly evening, when my phone rang and my world shattered. I felt tired after that phone call all of a sudden. I wanted to sit, to rest a bit. I entered the first cafe I saw without thinking anything. I went to the first empty table in there and sat without bothering to check if the table is reserved or not. I felt relieved, the needles hurting my legs were gone or it was the way I felt. But I was becoming light-headed with every coming moment. My vision was becoming cloudy. My breathing was becoming laboured. I was trying my best to not have a breakdown in public. I sat with my hands folded. I pressed my hands together so I can induce some pain in them which seemed like a better idea rather than creating a scene in public. I was trying my best to shift my focus away from my constantly increasing lightheadedness. I could not faint here. My world had just shattered into a million pieces. The key word was my world, not theirs, so I needed to get a hold of my emotions for a while. No one needed to known what had just happened. It was none of their bussiness. I would not even tell them even if they asked me. I was in a foreign country and an unknown city. I had no idea how medical system worked here. Hell, I did not even have an insurance card yet. As if all that mattered. But whatever could stop me from a meltdown, i would go with it, even if it meant stupid thoughts that did not mattered.

I came to Britain about two weeks ago on a research project. I am a Physiologist. I was researching on transport channels that are not yet classified. I was working on the transport channels that function somewhat like Na-Glucose Channels but they do not transport sodium or glucose in any direction. They transport some monovalent ion and a monosaccharide or another ion. They might be nothing too. I was not sure. I needed better lab to study the behavior of these channels which was not possible in India. We have some really nice labs in India but none was really interested to let me in. I was being told that we have no undiscovered transport channels left in human body and I am wasting my time working on this. So I decided to apply for the Research Centre for Physiology and Pathology, London. To my surprise, I was selected and I was invited to be the guest researcher for a year there. It was enough time for me to work on my research and sort out my life.

"Excuse me, mam. What would you like to have?" A young waitress asked me in a very polite voice. I was not used to people being nice to me. Everyone treated like I was someone untouchable and out-casted me from the society.

"I would like to have black tea with mike and sugar." I ordered the first thing I found on menu. I wanted to get done with it. Honestly, I had never been to a cafe alone in my life.

She nodded and went away. I was sitting on my table trying to gather my senses. When I heard a voice again.

"Are you alright, mam? You look kind of pale." I looked up from my hands to the source of the voice. It was the young kind waitress again. She was trying to help but I wanted some space. It sounded so strange in my mind. When had I ever had space in my life? People decided what was right for me. I only accepted thoses decisions like a lamb I was.