The Fate Of Broken Hearts

Chapter 38

"I have to." He tried to fight me but his body was too weak. All I could do was hold him as he found his words. "I don't know how to do anything else. I... I hurt people. It's what-" He completely froze in my arms for a single, peaceful moment before returning to his shivers. "It's what I've always done. And I don't want to hurt you, either."

Suddenly, Aiden was convulsing. I didn't believe it could get worse than what it was, and yet it had.

I stroked his arms and his back and his head. Still, nothing worked. I was desperate. I was scared for him.

"The pills..." Aiden's bottom lip trembled. "Y-you need to get... the pills."

I looked around the room frantically.

"Where are they?"

"Dresser."

My head shot up and saw the small yellow bottle on top of the dresser. As much as it pained me to do so, I was forced to let go of him in order to get them.

"You need to breathe, Aiden. Breathe in... and then breathe out." I placed a hand on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat under my own shaky palm. "I need to get the pills."

He barely nodded, his eyes still shut closed.

I slowly let go of him and raced to the pills, opening the cap and spilling two of them on my hand.

I grabbed the glass half-full of water on his bedside table and got on my knees beside Aiden once more.

I lifted him up so he could sit against the wall and take his medication, but his heavy body made the task infinitely more difficult.

"You need to open your eyes." I voiced, holding his hand open.

"I can't..." He shook his head, wincing.

"Yes, you can... I know you can." I urged him on, afraid.

The moment his eyes fluttered open, my gut wrenched.

I had seen this look of defeat on him before, however now it wasn't just that... Now, he looked so... broken.

I placed the pills in his hands, watching him intently as he let them fall into his mouth. I handed him the glass of water, but when his shaky hands couldn't keep the liquid from spilling over the edge, I took the glass back and held it to his lips.

He took small sips until he was able to swallow the pills whole.

"You know that you need to go now, don't you?" He whispered, staring at the floor.

"I'm not going anywhere." I refused, staying by his side. "I'm staying right here and there is nothing you can do or say that will make me leave."

He didn't say any more on the topic. He simply slipped into silence.

I sat next to him for a long while, listening to his breathing, making sure it went back to normal and the medication took its effect.

Aiden's raspy voice cut through the air.

"Did you mean it before?" He met my gaze.

I was taken by the shine in his eyes even with so much darkness around us.

"What?"

"The things you said, about... choosing me. Did you really mean it?"

I nodded. "I did."

"But, why did you stay?"

I tore my eyes from his.

"I was afraid."

There was a short pause.

"Of what?"

"That you'd hurt yourself."

His tone lowered. "Why?"

I lifted my head and met his tired eyes.

"Do you remember when I told you about my mother and her panic attacks?"

He nodded.

"When they first started, I was really young. I didn't know any better when she told me to leave her, too. She... hurt herself. Took too many pills." I bit my lower lip hard. "I never left her alone after that. More for my sake than hers."

Aiden glanced down at my hands pressed together.

"Because you're afraid..."

"Yes. I don't think I could ever forgive myself if she got hurt again and I wasn't there. She was the one who begged me to go to college here. I always dreamed of going here, but I wanted to be closer to her, to take care of her. But she didn't allow me to. She basically pushed me through the door herself."

We continued to sit against the wall without saying anything. We didn't need to.

I don't know how long we stayed like this, but we did. When he finally spoke again, I was almost asleep and leaning my head on his shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault, Emma." He said quietly. "You didn't know better. You can't blame yourself for what happened."

"I know." I barely whispered. "May I ask... the pills – how long have you been taking them?"

He swallowed.

"A long time." He stressed his words, "No one knows about... this."

"You never told me how they started."

Aiden tilted his head back against the wall and stared at the ceiling.

"I don't want to talk about that." He cleared his throat.

"Please?"

He sighed and pulled his legs to his chest, holding his stare with mine.

"I can't get away from the things that haunt me." He raked through his hair, tugging at the roots. "There is no light in my life, Emma. There is just darkness, and it feels like I'm constantly suffocating. There is just... pain. All I feel is pain. And I am all alone."

I took his hand in mine, shaking my head. "You are not alone. You have me."