Chapter 1

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The streets of my small town were vivid with colour tonight, the sound of laughter and joy coming from groups of people and families as they dined at one of the many popular restaurants lining the streets. The scent of fresh bread made my stomach growl, I reached for my water taking a large but confined gulp of water to try and curve the hunger. I pulled my greasy long hair into a messy bun and headed for my usual hideout. I couldn't let myself call it a home. Not yet.

Finding the laneway quiet and dark, I surrendered to the peace and allowed myself to sink into the pile of empty potato sacks that had at some stage forged into a cosy resting place. Or so I tell myself. The scent of the dampness and mouldiness of the hessian fabric found its way to my nose, as I scoffed and mentally blocked it out.

It turns out I am living my very own nightmare from hell and my life has barely even begun. It seems fate has dealt me a hand soaked in shadows and I find myself grappling with demons' unseen. 17 years old and finding myself living on the streets, I wouldn't wish this life upon even my worst enemy.

I rise my attention from the miserable thoughts plaguing my mind and allow myself to embrace a vision of an ordinary, joyous life with a happy and content family. I laughed to myself, 'not a chance', I sighed aloud. Each breath I draw is laced with the taste of fear and the walls of my reality suddenly close in.

I have been stuck in this dreadful ordeal for what would have to be around two years, although admittedly it feels like much longer. I need to move on, get out of this rut and make a life for myself. I can't allow myself to be stuck in this life for any longer, not one more day. I did often find myself wondering how? How does a person redeem themselves? How do you start over when you have nothing to your name? Who would work to a homeless teenager? How do I find work without some place to call home first? The questions rung in my head over and over.

I guess the first step in redemption is forgiving myself and forgetting my past. That was something I had not yet been successful with.

Forgetting all the mistakes I have made. Forgetting the dreadful things I had endured over the years and especially more recently. Not even finding it within myself to forgive myself and my family. Nights like this, I find myself bundling up in a ball, tucking my knees tight to my chest and sobbing. Deep, gut-wrenching sobbing, too. I allow my mind to wander to such a bad time in my life that it leaves me almost breathless and wishing for the worst. I allow myself to lose focus on the city life buzzing away down the end of the alley and let the terrible thoughts and memories drown my mind. If I don't cry until I fall asleep, I cry for hours and hours, usually until my head hurts so terribly from dehydration.

Despite being in the past, it is also the reason I have ended up in this predicament in the first place. My life now lacks friends, family or even a place to call home. All I yearned for was to have someone or anyone to care and love for me. Was that too much to ask? I often wondered.

Out of nowhere, my hopeful thinking is disturbed by the rapid approach of footsteps, gaining fast. I snap myself back to reality and take a glance up into the stubborn darkness. I look around, up and down the laneway but no one is there, the footsteps have stop and I am once again pushed into deadly silence. I sink my head into my arms and sulk.

Even if an unseen presence stalked in the shadows, I really couldn't care less. What more harm could they inflict on me to make my life any more terrible? None.

I had been sitting alone, in this dark and mouldy alleyway. The musky scent drifting through the street was enough to turn anyone on their heels. Anyone passing would be crazy to show any interest.

In all honestly, if I were to meet my demise tonight, I can't say there would be any disappointment, I knew I wouldn't be missed. The pain I have been through so far is enough, I could stand anything. I sit bewildered in my imagination staring up through the crack of the two buildings towards the dark night sky. I sink back against the wall admiring the shine and sparkle of the stars throughout the night sky.

A cool breeze suddenly swipes past my face sending shivers down my body. I briskly pull my legs closer to my chest to trap any heat and wrap my coat around my body tighter. I gaze around, squinting through the darkness. Everything is as per usual. I'd almost grown accustomed to this laneway. You could say it provided almost a sense of comfort on the long days and even longer nights. High up on the thirteenth floor in the building to the right, must have been a bedroom for a young boy. Every night the lights of the computer shine through the window and into the darkness. I enjoy envisioning a teenage boy living within that room, tackling the usual so-called struggles of teenage life, something I wish I could get back. Sometimes, colourful lights dance around the room almost as if there were a disco taking place. It provides a glimpse into my past and allows my imagination to go wild. Obviously, I don't know who lives in this room, but creating wild or nostalgic stories around the people who inhabit the different apartments of the buildings surrounding me provided some relief from my thoughts.

Suddenly I was wrenched out of my imagination, and any sense of safeness I had created was torn out of me. I choke as something strikes me in the side of my stomach, and a pain so wild and unimageable rips through my body sending sparks through my vision. My sight blurs, and I feel myself unable to gulp enough air to even breath or scream for help.

I feel my consciousness drifting, I can't see what is happening around me, I can't even hear. I sense an overwhelming flood of sensations and feel as though I might lose consciousness at any given moment. I pray for my eyes to open, but they seem forged shut, as if my body was shutting out the fear unable to accept and face my demons. The warmness and saltiness of my tears had begun to creep into my mouth.

A small tingle flows through my fingers and toes, and then the pain begins to dissipate into nothing. My body seems to then drift into a sense of numbness slowly, and within seconds I succumb to slumber.

That was all I remember.

Coldness and darkness greet me when I awaken, as well as the humble whispering of two unfamiliar men. Unable to open my eyes, I lay uncomfortably with my shoulders and head resting on the lap of some man, I presume. Allowing my eyes to rest shut, I listen in to the whispering but can't make sense of anything being said. The fatigue was still rippling through my body, I didn't have the energy to fight or sit up or even lift my arm, let alone open my eyes. I remained in my position and made the most of the time to regain my strength and listen in to the chatter of the men. If only I could make out a few words I may be able to string together a sentence and work out where I am and who I am with.

I finally build up the strength to open my eyes slightly and find myself gazing up at an unexpectedly attractive man. The situation is far from what I had earlier anticipated. The man seemed to be only a few years older than me, perhaps early twenties, with a face as white as the moon, yet lips as deep and red as blood. He was looking down at me with a smirk on his face. His deep brown hair was swaying over his sparkling eyes. Shifting his attention to the male who was driving, he said "Guess who is awake!". 

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