Theodosia

Chapter 15

Kylo Ren was many things. He was a man on a mission to destroy the light side. He was the best fighter in the First Order. He was someone who was so full of rage that it drove him on with everything he did. He was someone who has been conflicted because of his extremity of his feelings. He was someone who killed his past and moved on to gain power. He was Kylo Ren. The Master of the Knights of Ren. The one who would finish what Darth Vader started.

And yet, standing at the doorway of his quarters watching Theodosia sleep on his bed with dried tear tracks on her face, he was simply a clueless man. She had been sleeping for two hours now, and he would have thought that he'd know what to do by now, but he had not made a move to comfort her. Not yet. He just let her sleep.

After the meeting with Snoke, he had struggled to get her back on her feet and to leave before the Supreme Leader could get the satisfaction that he had broken her. He ushered her into his quarters where she broke down crying on the floor. He had carried her to his bed, telling her to rest because he knew that getting your mind played with by Snoke was exhausting. Heck, he knew how terrible Snoke was.

The Supreme Leader wasn't exactly kind with him as well, but he didn't mind it, not when it came to him. But seeing Theodosia kneeling down on the ground, tears streaming down her face as her eyes went blank, and she relived the incident on Naboo; he wanted to kill the creature torturing her.

It took her half an hour to actually fall asleep. She was already so disturbed by her past the first time her memories came back but after the incident with Snoke, he had never seen her so distraught. He had tried calming her down, but he had no words to say. He knew what she did. He knew what he did. There was no going back. He simply covered her with a blanket and sent waves of comfort through their bond, wordlessly being there for her as she slowly drifted off to sleep after tiring herself out.

He was vividly reminded of the time after Naboo when she was going through the same grief she now had to relive. It had taken her a long time to get back up on her feet, physically and mentally. Her injury thankfully wasn't fatal, and the medics of the First Order were able to treat the wound, leaving only a faint scar behind. Mentally, she had been destroyed. 

He remembered the nights they spent staring at the ceiling as she worked through her guilt. He, of course, stayed silent; he never knew what to say. There was even a period when she absolutely refused to even hold her lightsaber, taking up a non-violence stance. All it took was a visit to Snoke, and she had returned with a lightsaber in hand and tears in her eyes. The monster.

Looking down at her now, she was probably going to go through that whole period of life again. He was reluctant to leave her alone but after receiving a message sent by Hux to meet him at the hangar to discuss the latest mission, he begrudgingly left the girl alone. Even as Hux talked, Kylo only listened half-heartedly, merely nodding every once in a while, to feign understanding. He had subconsciously agreed to whatever battle strategy Hux had planned out and walked away once the ginger general stopped talking.

Now back in his room, he was working out his thoughts, trying to ignore the feelings he felt whenever she was around. She had met his mother, unknowingly on her behalf at the time, but the thought of them interacting unsettled him because under different circumstances, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. 

In an alternate world, he probably would have brought her home to introduce her to his parents. They would be glad, welcoming her with open arms and a declaration of happiness that their son had found someone. Leia would hold him tightly, wrapping him in a warm hug while he crouched down due to the height difference. Han would nod with approval, his lip turned up in a tilted smirk and saying, "Not bad". They would be with him. He would be with them-