Stay Awake With Me [Destiel, College!AU]

15. For You

Dean finished fixing up the car and left a good long while after Castiel. He drove back to his dorm and sat there for a while. His apartment didn't really seem like home anymore… not like it had when Cas had been there, even when he'd been dripping and bleeding it had been better than his absence. Dean kicked his shoes off and sat down on the arm on the velvet-type, hideous green chair that didn't fit in with the plain black of his other couches. He spent a few days just sitting on that couch with the empty beer bottles piling up and the dirty plates slowly covering the carpet. He went to work and helped out Cas in any way he could. It was difficult.

Cas stood behind the counter, picking at the splintering wooden surface in a daggy, dirty black shirt and jeans that were fading through at the knees. He got saw dust in his hair, and grease on his hands and he slowly got the hang of a few things. The customers liked him. 

Dean couldn't help smiling whenever Cas asked for help, or when he insisted on doing something by himself. He also found himself chuckling often when Cas sat down on the dirty floor with the customers and they tried to figure things out together.

Cas came round every day after his classes. He would talk to Dean sometimes. He often found himself just… staring at him as he bent over the car engines. Cas had expected things to be much more awkward that this. As it was, Cas and Dean remained civil and even friendly. Then Anna gave him a call at work, announcing that she had something planned for him and he spent the rest of the day blushing and avoiding Dean. 

Dean tried not to notice that Cas was being all avoidy, but he couldn't keep that little bit of doubt and fear seep into his heart. He went home late that night and sat himself down on his couch. He twiddled his thumbs, staring at the trench coat that was hanging over the back of a kitchen stool. It was dry now. Dean had to use a hair dryer on it to speed things up, but it was dry, if a bit dirty. It had been dry weeks ago… Dean had grown used to it just hanging around the place. He wandered towards it and pulled it down, lifting it up by the collar. Dean turned it over in his hands. Over and over and over. As he stared down at the soft material, something fell to the floor and landed with a metallic thud. Dean paused and sat the coat down on the bench. He looked down at the small, silver stone that was by his feet. It was cold in his hand as crouched down and picked it up. The necklace that he'd given Cas for Christmas… it had been in the pocket of his coat, not buried somewhere amongst the clutter on Castiel's desk like Dean thought it would be.

If someone had asked what was going through Dean's head, or what he was feeling at that exact moment in time, he wouldn't have been able to explain. He felt… strangely happy, excited and dizzy. Cas had kept it, which meant that he must care. Dean held onto the silver pendant so tight that his hand started to ache. The world around him was spinning and his insides were packed full of butterflies. He sat down and crossed his legs, just sitting there with the pendant in his hand, staring at his dull, scratchy-looking, grey curtains.

Cas kept it. Cas had it in his pocket. Cas, Cas, Cas, Cas, Cas.
Dean scratched at his head and stuffed the small circle of silver into his pocket before clambering to his feet.

Somehow, Dean managed to drag himself to his feet, grab the oversized trench coat and stumble back out the door. He was down the stairs and out in the car park before he realised that he'd left the keys on his floor and that he'd grabbed a piece of paper along with the coat.

He flattened it out on the hood of the car and nearly let it fall when he saw what it was.

Cas' story. The one that had taken him God knows how long to write.

Dean let his eyes flicker over the curled words.

  'The angel moved up close to the hunter. "I did this, all of it, for you." '

Dean took a deep breath. He was an inch away from collapsing in a heap and sobbing silently. As it was, he merely shut his eyes and kicked at his car. Then he opened them and stared at those words. 

"I did it, all of it, for you."

Something  clicked in Dean's brain. It was as though someone had turned on the light and he was seeing things clearly for the first time. 

Cas hadn't left because he didn't need Dean. Cas had left to protect him. He was staying away to protect him.

Dean had been angry with Cas at some point, but more than anything, he'd been angry with himself. Now, more than ever, Dean wished someone would punch him in the face.   He stuck with slapping himself and folding the story into pocket next to the pendant.

He pulled out his phone and dialled Cas' number. Nobody answered and he was left an awkward answering machine and Dean wasn't sure if Cas had been serious or drunk when he's recorded it. He hung up before the tone sounded. Leaving messages was always awkward... He dialled Anna instead. He hadn't spoken to her in months and he wasn't entirely certain that he wasn't going get shouted at.

"Dean?"

Dean was starting to walk down the street as she picked up. "Hey... I was wondering if you knew why Cas isn't picking up..."

Anna giggled lightly. "I organised a date for him," she sounded a little nervous.

Dean stopped in the middle of the path and rubbed at his chin, licking at his bottom lip and staring at nothing. "When?" Dean's voice broke.

"He's getting picked up in about ten minutes..."

Dean hung up.

Cas had a date... Cas was going out with someone... Cas hadn't told Dean...

Dean put his hands to his head and looked down the road, a pained look on his face. Ten minutes... If I run, I might be able to get there... Maybe... He'd be slowed down by holding the trench coat... That thought is what possessed him to slip his own arms into the sleeves and half button it up so there wasn't as much wind resistance. Dean sprinted. The wind stung at his eyes as he raced down the street, feet pounding into the concrete, his boots doing little to stop then from aching. His muscles started burning, but he didn't notice because the only thing he could think about was getting to Cas before he went off with some other guy. He looked down at his watch as he forced himself to move faster. Three minutes to go. That wasn't long enough. He needed more time. He could hardly breathe and he was starting to slow down, no longer having the energy to move any faster. 

The college came into view as Dean skidded around the corner, the plain brick buildings and the funny, supposedly artistic statues seemed to laugh at him. 

Dean bolted across the grass and the brick areas and the roads, he nearly tripped as he dodged to avoid the ugly fountain where Cas had first met Sam and he still wasn't fast enough. There was a douchey, silver Volvo pulled up in front of the steps to Cas' dorm and the bright lights showed a short, cheesy looking dude leaning up against it.

Cas was just pushing his way through the glass door as Dean ran out of air to drag into his lungs.

"Cas!" he wheezed though it was meant to be a shout. He shrugged the coat from his shoulders. He somehow managed to run up the stairs, stumbling blindly. "Cas!" he was a bit louder that time and both the douche-bag by the car and Cas turned to stare at him. He took the last few steps towards Cas and held the coat out to him. "Cas, don't go out with him."

Cas frowned at the coat and4 took it, pulling it on and putting his hand into the pocket. A look of panic flashed across his face and as he shook it off, made to step around Dean.

Dean put a hand to Castiel's chest and pushed him back. "Castiel, please." Dean pulled the small silver necklace out of his pocket and stepped in closer to the man in front of him. He wound his arms around Cas' neck and fastened the necklace around it.

Cas stood stock still, frozen, though Dean could feel the pounding of his heart against his own. Cas tried to shut out the warm feeling that spread through him, but Dean was so close. He reached up and wrapped his hand around the pendant. "Dean…"

"Cas, buddy, I need you," Dean whispered.

Cas' eyes widened and got wider still as Dean slid his arms around him and held him close. They were staring into each other's eyes. Cas didn't know what to do. I mean, it was obvious that he would just be able to avoid Dean… but did he… did he hug him? What? He was getting lost, lost in those green eyes. He felt like if he kept staring into them like this, he wouldn't be able to find his way back out into the rest of the world.

Dean tightened his arms around him. He hugged him, as tight as he could. He didn't even know if Cas was happy with this, but he didn't care. He was just happy to stand here hugging Cas and breathing in his scent. He let his head fall onto the other man's shoulder, burying his face in his neck.

Cas slowly returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. He felt like he was going to explode and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop the wonky smile that spread across his face. "I was so stupid," he mumbled.

Dean hummed a yes and kissed Cas' neck softly.

Cas pushed back. "Wait," he said and skipped off down the stairs to where the silver car was still parked.

Dean could see them talking. He didn't realise he was holding his breath, but he was. He was scared that Cas was going to out with the douche-nozzle anyway. 

Cas patted that man awkwardly on the shoulder and started making his way back up.

Volvo dude visibly sighed and slumped into his car.

Dean let out his breath in a whoosh and sat down on the stairs.

Cas sat down beside him, adjusting his coat and twiddling his thumbs. He seemed so nervous.

Dean reached across and covered one of the fidgeting hands with his own.

"I don't want to go back to my room… I keep thinking that Balthazar is lying in wait…" Cas half smiled and looked up at Dean. "Are we good?" He asked after a short silence.

Dean didn't know the answer to that. His heart still hurt whenever he looked at Cas… but Cas needed him. "Give me some time, Angel boy," he whispered and tightened his fingers around the hand he was holding. "Want to go get some dinner or something?"

"Pie?"

Dean smiled. "Of course! Now," Dean used Cas' knee to stand up. "You coming?"

~~

Cas was happy about this. He had dinner with Dean every few nights and they went to the movies and did a lot of little things, nothing big. Cas kept going to see Meg. He almost enjoyed sitting there and telling her about stuff. The psychologist was also perfectly happy to help him out with anything he needed for class, so that was a plus.

Cas' job with Dean wasn't awkward in the least anymore. Cas found himself staying behind just to help Dean back up and coming early (on the one day a week where he had no classes) just so he could be alone with him. When things were quiet, they could just sit around and talk. It was nice. It wasn't what Cas really wanted, but it was ncie.

You guys can't just keep going on like this forever… Anna texted him.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't know… But do something! You guys are going so slow, it's nearly killing me!

Cas sat down on the small step between the shop and the garage. He wanted things to go faster too, but he was afraid that trying to rush into things would end badly. He'd hurt Dean… he didn't know what Dean wanted…

"Hey, Cas?" Dean leant against the brick wall handing out a beer to Castiel. "Why'd you walk into that river?" His voice was so quiet that it hardly seemed like he was talking.

Cas thought for a while. "Everything was sucking, I was drunk, I'd just had a very bad experience after passing out and… I couldn't take it. I thought you hated me and Balthazar was making feel bad and I just…. I wanted things to be over. I didn't want to think anymore."

Dean slid down the wall so that he was eye to eye with Cas. "Don't you dare try again. Ever," he rested his hand on Cas' shoulder and tried to push out the memories of standing by that river. "I thought you'd died…" he whispered. "I froze and I just… I felt like part of me was out there with you… drowning."

Cas raised an eyebrow. "You saved me," he smiled smugly and nudged Dean gently.

Dean let a smile creep across his face. "That I did… I feel like a hero!" The smile went all cheesy and they clinked beer bottles. The smile disappeared and just stared at Cas, who stared right back. 

Cas still had the ghost of a smile on his face and his eyes were twinkling just the way eyes should. He bit at his bottom lip and shifted his gaze, cheeks growing warm and ears turning red.

Dean chuckled and put a hand under Castiel's chin, turning his face back so that he could lean forward and press a tickling kiss on his nose.

Cas giggled. "Are we good?" He asked, eyes boring holes into Dean with every second.
Dean leant in again. "Yeah, we're good," he whispered as he hooked his fingers into the front of Cas' shirt to keep him close. His lips brushed softly against the other man's.

Cas made an involuntary hiccupping sound and wound his arms around Dean, moving his hands and grabbing fistfuls of soft, thin material. He thought he scratched Dean's back, but Dean didn't seem to mind.

The kiss was warm and soft and full of urgency and need. This was something neither of them had felt in a while, and something they had both missed terribly… that feeling of knowing where they belonged, the feeling of home.

Dean moved a hand to the back of Cas' head, smiling around the kiss. His lungs were almost aching from lack of air, but he didn't care, because, well, what was oxygen compared to Castiel? Nothing. Who cared about oxygen?

Cas gasped as Dean's other hand slipped under his shirt, resting against his chest. He leant back against the wall as Dean moved forward slightly.

Dean's lips were soft and hesitant, but parted Castiel's with ease. He tugged at Cas' bottom lip with his teeth and suddenly, he was lost. The world around him had disappeared and everything was Castiel. All he could feel was the warmth of Cas' body pressed against his own and Castiel's tight grip on his arm, bordering on pain. All he could smell was Cas and all he could taste were the dry lips that stuck to his slightly when he came up for air. He pulled back a bit, gasping and trying to wrap his head around everything that was going on.

Cas had his eyes closed and his head tilted back, resting against the wall. His mouth was open slightly and his chest was heaving. He licked his lips and opened his eyes a crack. "Dean?" he asked quietly, voice uneven.

Dean stood up and pulled Cas up after him. He kissed Cas again and took his hand. "I'm not really… comfortable with the idea of you going back to your dorm… Balthazar…" he trailed off and scratched his head. "So… you want to stay with me?" His turned away and he mumbled in embarrassment.

Cas felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He could feel the tension leaking from his body and pulled Dean forward, wrapping his arms around that muscular torso and resting his head on his shoulder. He sighed happily as Dean's hand went to the back of his head, slowly stroking his fingers through the soft brown hair.

Dean pushed Cas back and gestured to the Impala that sat parked outside.

Cas frowned.

"We need to go get your stuff, don't we?"