Stay With Me

20

Keeping his voice just below a whisper, he turned to look at her. "Tell me something about your time."

Vanessa looked up curiously. "What do you want to know?"

Dead shrugged. "Anything. You don't ever talk about where you're from. What's it like?"

She paused, thinking long and hard about what to tell him. There were so many things that were different from this time. So much more violence in the world, children being murdered for no real reason while their parents stood by helplessly. A cruel world was all it had become and here she was trying to save him and bring him into it. Sure, there were a few decent changes in technology and transportation, but the bad seemed to always outweigh anything good.

Finally she settled to just talk about the few good things. "There's hardly any cassette players anymore. People put them on their phones and take them wherever they go without any cords attached. The only real changes are just technology and things like that. Cars all look newer and more high end, some even drive themselves. Maybe when we get home I'll charge my phone and let you play around with it and show you how it all works."

Dead listened as she continued to talk about the advances of the world, some of it things he had seen on television and other nothing like what he had thought. Part of him had expected cars to be flying at that point in time. He wanted to press further, to ask more questions about what things were like. Had all the fighting finally stopped? Would people like him finally be accepted without judgement?

You know the answer to that.

There was no way that peace had come to the world. People were bound to be just as cruel as they were now, there was no solution to human nature. The only real positive was that black metal was something people wanted more of; something that was going to finally grow into something bigger. But what if Mayhem didn't take off like she said it would?

What if our deaths are the only thing that will bring us success? If Euronymous and I live will Mayhem be the same?

The thought bothered him every time it ran through his mind. If he were to die, it would be the starting point of Mayhem's future and lead up to Varg murdering Euronymous. An electric shock ran through his body at the image of Varg. Something about him didn't seem right. The feeling whenever he was around was almost tense, like he was already plotting all of their deaths. Whatever his reason for killing Euronymous, Dead knew it was most likely well deserved.

He tried to focus on Vanessa as she talked happily to Melanie and Hellhammer, her voice sounding as though he were hearing a faint whisper from miles away. His eyes stared straight ahead yet focused on nothing as his mind began to think of everything and nothing at the exact same time.

Why won't she say yes anymore? She seemed so excited to get married before, now it's like she wants no part in it. What did I fuck up?

Trying his hardest to push the recurring thought from his mind, Dead couldn't help the response that came from inside.

What didn't you fuck up? That's a better question.

I don't think I've done anything. I've been trying...

But is it enough? Are you enough?

His heart sank deep into the depths of his stomach, suddenly feeling nauseous. Was he enough? Was anything he did really enough? Sure he had done his best for the band, writing songs when he was able to, but he hadn't been able to really spend much time with her anymore. She worked harder, longer hours, giving Euronymous almost every cent while putting the rest away in a small box she kept next to the bed. He had pretended not to notice the small box, acting as if he didn't see her put the money into it every week.

Maybe she's saving up to leave.

No. She promised she wouldn't leave me... not again.

Promises don't mean shit. You should know better.

There was no arguing with that. Dead had had more than one promise broken in his lifetime. People who he believed he could trust turning against him, those who didn't even know him leaving him on the bittersweet brink of death. Even his brother had broken his share of promises. Who was he to think that she would stay with him if she was unhappy? Granted, if she left him then he probably would end it all just to cope with the loss, but he wanted so badly to believe that she was different; that she would keep her promise. Clinging to the last remaining shred of hope he had left, he forced himself out of his head, focusing on the conversation she was having; something about a black dress she needed Melanie to help her with.

He smiled to himself as the image of a long black dress flashed through his mind once again. While normally it was the woman who often fantasized about her wedding day, Dead couldn't help the feeling he got whenever he imagined it all playing out. If she did marry him he would keep his promise of giving her a grand wedding ceremony. The more he thought about it, the more he pictured it being in front of a large audience at one of their shows. If they got as big as she said, it would be something to remember for sure. Having her walk down a long isle, everyone marveling at her as she made her way to a stage underneath a full moon just after he made the surprise announcement.

The crowd would cheer, watching as they said their vows to one another for the whole world to see. He would be in his corpse paint, standing before her as he married his beloved angel. A small chuckle escaped as he pictured a corpse marrying an angel, someone believed to be damned to a life of misery finally being happy for once in his life as he gave his soul away under a freezing moon.