as long as you care

iii. WASN'T PLANNING TO

chapter three,

wasn't planning to.

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[unedited] 3.

"i don't wanna go." i whined to clay, pulling my car keys out of the ignition. clay groaned, "okay, darryl, then don't go."

"like — there's so many reasons why i don't want to go. firstly, the work. like, who in their right mind assigns homework on the first day? are they dumb? do they know how to teach correctly. anyway, then, there's that boy. i have to meet him after school! oh god. how was i gonna do that?"

i was blind to clay's obvious annoyance. "whoever created school is on my death wish. okay.. maybe not school, homework. math, too. why did they feel the need one day to wake up and go, well! numbers are cool! let's put them together and to make it even harder, get letters involved. pure idiocy. i hope they know how much pain they've caused."

i wanted clay to reply. he was always so good at comforting me.

"ranting won't solve any of my problems, though. i'll still have to walk in that damn high school in about," i squinted my eye at my phone screen, "ten minutes. this high school sucks. wait.. what if i got home schooled? do you think i would go anywhere from dropping out? you don't need a degree to get jobs, right? that's a dumb question, don't answer that. i-"

"wasn't planning to."

"oh —" i don't understand why he held such a strong attitude toward me today. we had only been in the car for twenty minutes and he only spoke to me twice. we usually had fun-filled conversations. conversations that would bruise my face with a smile.

we fought like any normal group of friends would, but during those fights, he had always told me what was upsetting him. did he not trust me anymore?

clay opened my car door and silently got out, slamming the door shut behind him. i furrowed my eyebrows, feeling my heart sink in my chest. that wasn't my best friend.

i thought about chasing after him, but obviously he wasn't in the right mood for that. i would let him calm down, meaning we could have a respectful talk after.

hopefully the respect would be reciprocated both ways.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

moping my way to the cafeteria, i sluggishly sat down in the closest seat next to me. i was so drained with work and lessons that i could barely take in where i was.

obviously, i wasn't prepared for this year. at all.

i pulled out my textbooks and laptop, opening them all up. skipping one lunch won't hurt.

my eyes quickly scanned the textbook, and i groaned, face palming. i couldn't care less about all of this.

i brushed my hair out of my face, attempting to prepare myself to actually focus. it was quite hard to focus with so many obstacles clouding my vision.

speaking of obstacles, "hey, darryl."

i didn't move, only hummed. whoever it was could wait.

"i take it that you didn't get any sleep last night?"

i opened my hand slightly, peeking through the small holes. it was number ten from yesterday. the one that i couldn't stop thinking about.

when did i tell him my name?

i shrugged, wishing to say more.

i don't fully think it was the work that overwhelmed me, but the stress that came with it. without a doubt, the assignments and homework weren't that difficult. they would be easy to complete without knowing i had to complete three others in completely different subjects.

it was the stress of knowing that there were going to be tests on it. assignments. homework. lectures that i never cared enough to listen to.

"do you want an apple?" number ten spoke up again, and i shook my head, "i'm good."

and if it wasn't for a girl yelling abruptly, "zak! there you are!" i probably wouldn't have learned his name. the girl had long, blonde hair and a thin waist. automatically, i knew she was a ten.

zak's eyes widened, sitting up quickly and whispering, "you're still going to meet me after school, right?"

i looked into his sparkling eyes. he looked into mine.

"yeah." i said. he smiled unconvincingly, "okay. see you soon." and trailed after the number ten girl.

if my heart wasn't already broken, then now it was. he faked that smile.

maybe clay wasn't the only one having a bad day.

why did he fake the smile? was i unworthy of truth? was i not worth it anymore?

i placed a hand on my heart to remind myself it was still beating. i breathed in, and out. small things like that calmed me.

i rummaged through my bag to find my headphones, plugging them into my laptop and listening to whatever song popped up.

everything was okay. i didn't need to stress, because why waste such valuable emotions on a horrible feeling?

forgetting about clay and now zak, i set my focus on the computer screen before me. i would get this done before the end of the day. i had forty minutes to spare.

with every letter my finger pressed — no matter how far apart they were — it would always guide me straight back to clay and zak. i tried my best to forget about them, but i couldn't.

fights weren't my thing. just like firsts.

but there was no way i could avoid those two things. they were two of the downfalls of life. something that i had to accept would come along with being a human.

acceptance wasn't reassurance, though.

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