Scenarios - Got7

The rejection. (ft.Jaebum)

Friday nights always belongs to the group, whenever we are all able to go out, that's the day when we know we can let ourselves forget about the world and just enjoy each others company. It always ends up the same way tough, young drunken friends laying on the ground of the living room.

We are at Mark's house. He is the first one to stand up looking like he is about to say something. His put is index up so everyone can see and gets their attention but seems to have an hard time staying still.

- Guys, I'm going to my bed, you guys decide which one of you goes to the guests rooms, there's two people who have to stay on the couches tough !

That's how Jaebum and I ended up alone in the living room, him already laying on one of the couches and I sitting on the floor against it. My head feels heavy but I can feel that I'm starting to sober up a bit.

- They did it on purpose, didn't they ? - I ask while closing my eyes.
- Probably. I wouldn't be surprised. - He answers.
- Does it make you uncomfortable? - I ask.
- Does it to you ?
- A little bit...
- I can always force Yugyeom to take my place. - He says ready to stand up.
- No, no, don't ! - I turn myself and stop him from moving.- I was just...telling you how I feel but I don't want you to leave.

My hands are on his arm and for a moment we share this awkward eye contact that makes me realise how close I am to him. He doesn't say anything but smile gently before laying himself again on the couch. I sit again turning my back to him. I did this to us. This awkwardness and constant nervousness around each other.

- Don't think about it. - He says.
- What?
- Stop thinking about what I said to you, I'm fine. You don't have to feel awkward with me, it'll pass, eventually. - He explains.

I turn around and look at him, but his eyes are closed and I feel like he's avoiding my reactions to his words.
- I can't.

He laughs and stays with his eyes closed.
- I'm sorry, Jaebum...
- Don't be. - He says.- It's not the first time I've been rejected.

It's getting harder to breathe.

I rejected him.

Two weeks ago on his birthday party. How much of an horrible person can I be ? That night will forever be marked into our minds. I destroyed something that was precious to me with a few lies that were controlled by my fears and now I can't seem to face the consequences of what I did.

It also has been two weeks since Jaebum and I haven't talked properly to each other. It hurts. Him and I, we have always been such good friends, actually this is another lie. I'm lying to myself saying he is just a friend, how can he be just that when he's able to make me feel things no one can.

I keep on replaying the scene of his confession everyday. The way he tried to act like it didn't hurt him to hear me say that I couldn't be with him, the way his eyes looked at me like never before.

The thing is everybody thought that I would have said yes. Of course they did, my heart eyes for him must have been so obvious, but did they really think that loving someone is just easy to do, easy to accept it ?

Not for me.

- Hey, - His voice takes me out of my thoughts. - What's wrong ?

His hand is on my shoulder and realise he got worried by hearing me sobbing. Good. Now I'm crying because I can't handle this situation. He pulls me up of the floor and makes me sit next to him.
- I'm sorry...I'm an idiot...- I sob while whipping away my tears.
- No you're not.
- I miss you...- I keep crying like it was the hardest thing to say.

He takes me in his arms and pats my back slowly.
- I'm sorry I pushed you a bit away this last weeks, but...I needed to get away from you...it's not that I don't want to see you anymore...it's just it hurts a little to be around you after I confessed to you...- He says soflty.
- I hate this... - I cry more.
- I'm sorry. - He says.

This inner battle is breaking me. A part of me wants to scream at him how much I love him and the other part is pulling in everything, holding me back from doing it.

Look at him. His heart is breaking because of me, but still he holds me and conforts me with all his love while I'm not even able to look into his eyes.

- I know you lied to me. - He says.

I stand up from the couch and turn my back to him.

- I did. - I confess.
- Why ? - He sounds serious and close.

He followed me.
- Because I'm scared...
- I know. But do you think I am not ? Actually I was terrified when I told you everything that night, but I put it aside because no matter how it scares me, it's you. You're the person I want to try with. I thought about it...for months I've been holding back the urge to tell you and it finally hit me that it was worthed to try. Don't you think the same ? - He ends up asking me.

I don't say anything.

- Look at me. - He whispers.

I do it and he's here, close to me. He takes my hands in his and his eyes are begging for me to say anything.

- I promise to try my best to make you happy...You're my best friend, just let me love you a bit more than that, that's all I want. - He says cupping my face.
- What if you realise I'm not worthed anymore ? - I ask.
- What if we stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and try to meet all the good we can get from this ?

He's really into it, isn't it ? He is believing in us more than I thought. His words and his touch are making me believe it too.

Maybe it's worth the try.