as long as you care

i. STAY TRUE TO YOU

chapter one,

stay true to you.

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[unedited] 1.

first-times weren't my kind of thing. i didn't like being unfamiliar to something that was already familiar to someone else, it made me feel stupid.

so when the first day of elementary school came, i wasn't that happy.

although my kindergarten years are a blur to me, i remember that i cried for hours that morning. i begged, please, i'd do anything, just don't send me to that school. apparently, even as a child, i was antisocial. that was something that never changed.

no one treated me weirdly in those grades. i actually felt like a normal kid during those years. i made a best friend named clay in grade 3, and we bonded over some kind of card game i can't seem to remember. our teacher would yell at us because we talked too much, but we never cared enough to listen to him.

grade seven was the changing point. people were changing. i was changing. my perspective on the world had changed from happy to being down most of the time. work was stressful and piling faster than it ever had, my face was no longer clear, but filled with imperfection; my clothes never fit properly, and if they did, they wouldn't fit the current "trend."

but, i would never fit in with the trends. i learned that after trying too hard to.

the numbers on people's foreheads weren't a big deal to me. i didn't care what that number meant, if i was attracted to someone, they were attractive. clay was a seven, but even i could say that he deserved a ten.

i hated stereotypes, and it wasn't just because i was a zero (which, was extremely rare.) stereotypes are a box of features and compliments, and if you aren't selected to be put in that box, then you're unattractive and ugly. it's as simple as that. who cares if it wasn't your choice that you don't have blonde hair? who cares that your weight comes from genetics? no one does. absolutely no one. whatever your number says, is how people judge you. that was the horrific truth.

if you're a nine, you'd spend your entire life wondering why and how you weren't a ten. it made everyone insecure, no matter how gorgeous you were.

however, there was one forbidden thing. a rule that had to be followed.

if you were a ten, you could only get in relationships with other tens. they were royalty, so they couldn't ever step down from their throne. sometimes, tens could be with nines, but that was if you were lucky and were raised around the right people.

so, where did i stand in all this mess?

no where. no one wanted to be with a zero. everyone thought i was ugly, worthless, and a disgrace. everyone except clay, of course. he knew who i really was.

the first day of high school was probably the worst day of my life. everyone was too afraid to look me in the eye. like i had some sort of disease, or something.

i tried not to think about it too much.

clay and i shared absolutely no classes together. that meant i was constantly lonely.

this happened for my freshmen, sophomore, and junior year. we had never been together for anything. thankfully, our bond was too strong to break, so we stayed friends. even through his hard times and mine. he listened to all of my breakdowns, and i listened to his. he had gotten into some relationships that all ended horribly, so that pain would last for weeks.

reminiscing these times made me shiver.

first time's weren't my kind of thing. that was why i was sat in the front seat of my car, dreadfully glancing over at the school before me.

it was my senior year. the last year until i finally became a true adult. that made me feel good, but i just wasn't prepared for the work. i stress too much over work.

clay gathered his bag and gym clothes, looking over at me, "are you ready?"

i shook my head, rubbing my forehead. i don't think i would ever be ready.

"the bell is gonna ring in a couple minutes, dude." he smiled nervously, "we should get going."

"i know." i sighed, reaching into the back seat and grabbing my bag.

"at least this is our last year until college." he reminded me, "then, you won't have to suffer with these stupid first days anymore."

"what about first job interviews? there are still so many more to come.."

"don't think about that right now." clay assured, unlocking his door. i pulled the keys out of my ignition, hopping out of the car. "i guess you're right."

"i'm always right, darryl. let's be honest." he playfully teased, walking alongside me. small actions like these made me really appreciate him. he actually dared to show our friendship off in public. sometimes he even bragged about it.

there were many teenagers frantically walking around the school grounds. i saw some new faces i had never seen before and some familiar. again, i wasn't looked at.

i was the only zero in the entire school, so i should probably be glad no one dared to look me in my eye. but, i wasn't. it made me sad. i liked being a friend. i liked having friends. that was pretty hard to do when people avoided you.

"yeah, you are." i told him with a smirk, opening up the front doors. the bell went off right as we stepped into our hallway of lockers.

"i'll see you soon, all right?" i said, preparing to leave his side. he made me feel safe, weirdly.

his locker was directly opposite of mine. "make sure to stay sane, stay happy, and stay safe." i repeated this to him every year, "stay true to you."

"same goes to you!" he would always reply, giving me a fist bump. i waved goodbye, and so did he. i smiled nervously. that was it. i wouldn't see him until the end of the day.

walking through a hall of judgmental people had never been harder. my tall figure was almost hard to ignore, and while i walked, i always saw students trying to hide their surprise when they saw my forehead.

i arrived at my locker, punching in the same four-digit code i had been using for years. the door popped open, so i took off my bag and emptied it out.

suddenly, i looked over to my side and saw a girl. her jaw was practically on the floor as she stared behind me with loving eyes, placing a hand on her beating heart.

what? my face scrunched up in confusion, and while i turned around, i understood.

there was a boy walking down the hall confidently, winking at some girls as he passed by. i have never seen him around before.

he was my type, for sure. he had striking brown eyes and fluffy, brown hair that would bounce as he walked. on his forehead, the number '10' was glowing brightly. figures.

he ran a hand through his hair, connecting eyes with me. it was only for a quick second, because his eyes instantly fell upon my forehead.

as i noticed that, i quickly turned around. i didn't need judgement on my first day. i was stressed enough.

i didn't care to find which locker was his, before i closed mine, and walked to my math class.

he was extremely attractive, but who was i to judge? i was a peasant in his books. i wasn't worthy of his royal presence.

but, i wondered why he didn't seem disgusted or bothered.

this was definitely something i would tell clay later.

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