twd imagines

carl grimes

A/N: I imagine him being like 17 or 18 in this one :)

Carl's P.O.V.

I hear my dad come plodding up the stairs to ask me if I'm okay for the hundredth time today. I roll over in my bed and pretend to sleep when he opens the door. 

"Carl?" He asks quietly. 

I don't answer, still pretending to sleep.

"Son I know you're awake." Dad says, walking into my bedroom.

He sits down on my bed. 

"Carl--" Dad begins but I cut him off.

"Don't. Please don't." I say, knowing he is about to lecture me about how he knows I loved her but she's gone and I need to get over it, and I truly don't want to hear it. 

He sighs.

"If you don't talk about it, it will never go away." He says.

I feel my body flash with anger and I shoot up, staring at him intensely.

"You really think she'll just go away?! If I talk about my feelings, her being dead will just go away! Bullshit dad!" I shout, feeling tears building in my eyes. 

"Watch your mouth." He says.

I open my mouth to say more but the tears start falling and I can't control them. I completely fall apart. I scream, I cry, I cuss, I do anything possible to try and make the pain go away but it doesn't work. It will never work. My dad hugs me tightly, rubbing my back as I continue to crumble. 

I am broken without her.

I am scared without her. 

I can't focus without her. 

I am completely and utterly lost without her. 

"Carl. Sit up." Dad says quietly, and pushes me up by my shoulders. 

There are still tears rolling down my face and I hiccup as I look at him through blurry eyes. 

"I know it hurts. It hurts like hell and it feels like it's never going to go away. I know it feels like you can't even function without her but you can. You have to. It's what she would want you to do." He says, placing a hand on my shoulder. 

"I--I don't even k--know what to do d--dad. I'm so--so lost. Every time I--I close my eyes I see her. I--I see her laughing, I s--see her smiling, I see her  I see h--her screaming for me t--to help her w--when those w--walkers..." I whimper, my throat feeling like it's closing up. 

I begin to hyperventilate and my dad grabs me.

"Carl you have to breathe. You're gonna pass out." He says sternly. 

He begins an even breathing pattern and I start to copy him, until my chest loosens slightly and I can breathe again.

"I know. Trust me I know. We've all lost people that we love but we're still here. We made it and so will you. Me, Carol, Michonne, Maggie, everyone else, and you." He says. 

I can't even respond to him, my chest aching with pangs of agony. He squeezes my shoulder and stands up, heading for the door. Just before he shuts it behind him, he calls my name. 

"Carl...Don't you dare forget about her. You think about her every day until the day you die to keep her alive in your heart. You live every day for her. Got it?" He says.

I nod, more tears sliding down my cheeks. He nods back and shuts the door, leaving me with my thoughts again. I lay back down, completely exhausted from my breakdown. My eyes grow heavy as I try to fight sleep, not wanting to have those nightmares again but I lose the battle, slipping into slumber. 

I see her. She's walking next to me, hand in hand on a road. We're behind Michonne and my dad on a run. She smiles and giggles at something I say. She's beautiful. Abruptly, we hear the unmistakable growl of walkers. She looks at me and nods, all of us going after them together. We fight, and fight, and fight until there are too many of them to count so we start to run. I grab her hand, pulling her behind me. 

I have to save her. 

"COME ON!" I shout, hearing them getting closer. 

I look forward and see my dad and Michonne running in front of us. All of a sudden, I feel her hand ripped from mine. I stop dead in my tracks and turn to see five walkers, tearing into her. 

"CARL!" She wails, falling to the ground.

"NO!" I cry, rushing to help her but I'm pulled back by my dad.

"Carl we have to go! There's to many of them!" My dad shouts. 

I fight him, desperately trying to get out of his grasp to save her. She screams and shrieks but then goes silent. I fall to my knees, screaming. My dad takes out the walkers around her.

"Let's go!" He shouts, the rest of the walkers getting closer to us.

"I CAN'T LEAVE HER!" I howl, not wanting to believe it's real. 

"COME ON!" My dad shouts, yanking me up from the ground and dragging me behind him. 

She's gone.

She's gone. 

She's gone. 

I shoot up in bed, drenched in sweat, my heart beating violently. I look over to the side of my bed where she used to be, closing my eyes and shuddering. She would normally calm me down and relax me after nightmares but now I'm alone. I just want to hold her, feeling her body relax and mold into mine, as she falls asleep to the beating of my heart. I would to anything to have that again. Anything. I lay down, silent tears leaking down my face, knowing I won't sleep for the rest of the night. I look out my window and it's dark outside, but for me, it will never be light again. 

The world will always be completely dark without her.

A/N: this one is shorter than usual but wow. this was hard to write. super emotional :(