A Victor's Ally - The 73rd Hunger Games (Fanfiction)

Epilogue

"My mom saw you. She said you looked really thin. I just wanted to see if you were okay." A couple months ago, the look of concern on his face would have made my heart flutter. Now, I was empty. Numb.

"I'm fine." I spoke emotionlessly, but I was telling the truth. In fact, I was more than fine.

I tried to walk up to my bedroom, but he stopped me at the base of the stairs. "You're not fine. I'm not blind."

Ducking under his arm, I made my way upstairs. Sitting down on my bed, I began to untie my sneakers. To my annoyance, he followed me into my room.

"I really am, Luke." I took off my socks. "Anyway, your job as a mentor is done. It's over. I won. It's no longer your job to make sure that I'm okay."

He frowned deeper, if possible. I stood up and made my way toward the bathroom. "Jules, I know what you're doing. I did the same thing when I first got out of the arena. I shut off everything, thinking that not feeling at all was better than facing what I had done in the Games."

I stood in the doorway of the bathroom, looking at him with narrowed eyes. "Don't call me that anymore, Luke. I'm not that girl anymore. Just like you're not the same either. You think that there's something 'going on with me', but really, I've just changed. I'm not her anymore. This is just who I am now. Don't you get that?"

I stripped off my shirt, leaving me in my shorts and sports bra. "Now, unless you plan on following me into the shower, this conversation is over."

The last thing I saw before I shut the door was the look of hurt and disappointment on his face.

It doesn't matter. I told myself, and the numbness blossomed across my chest and down to my toes.

--

We got to District Twelve in the midafternoon. I was already in my outfit for my speech – a pale yellow dress that hung slightly big on me. When I put on the dress the first time, Saffra frowned and muttered about how the measurements were slightly off. I guess Luke's mother was right, I had lost weight. But there was no time to fix anything, and before I knew it I was ushered on stage with a note card in my hand.

Barrick, Luke, Hilda, and my prep team waited backstage, each looking as if they were ready for me to break down on stage. I faced the audience with a smile plastered on my face. In front of me was a large crowd filled of thin, raggedy looking people. Large screens above the crowd displayed pictures of a girl and boy who must have been the tributes for District Twelve during my games. Underneath the screens were large pedestals. The girl's pedestal had a family of four underneath it, a couple and two young kids. The boy's section only held one person, another boy who must have been an older brother.

I didn't even recognize the faces of the tributes. I should have felt guilty. But I hadn't been the one to kill them, and I hadn't even seen them in the arena. Was I in the wrong for surviving?

My monotone voice echoed through the town square as I read from the cards as quickly as possible. When I finished, there was a small smattering of clapping from the audience, but most stared up at me with blank looks on their faces. Barrik ushered me off the stage and behind a dusty, make-shift curtain that separated me from the crowd. Everyone gave me nods of approval, but I stared ahead blankly.

The dinner wasn't much better. We ate bland food and had bland, forced conversation with the mayor and his family. Afterward, I was ushered back onto the train.

The procedure for Districts Eleven was the exact same.

District Ten was a lot harder. Before I was pushed on stage, Hilda gave me a sympathetic look. It wasn't until I was in front of the crowd that it registered that this was Hank and Laurette's district. The pictures of their solemn faces seemed to taunt me. Their eyes bore into mine, judging me for surviving and leaving them to die. I swallowed the lump that was rising in my throat and forced out my speech, thanking the Capitol and giving my apologies for the fallen tributes' families. I wish I had said something to their families, something to express how sorry I was that I survived when they didn't, but by the time I finished my speech the numbing feeling had returned.