All the Way (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Cold

Trying to escape him was useless as he was basically everywhere. You saw a few flashbacks to your homeplanet and then without forewarning all you could feel was pain. A scream got stuck in your throat and you pressed your lips together as hard as possible to stop yourself from making any sound.

You saw yourself when you were young, your father carrying you up a mountain. The first time you shot a rifle, how he had explained to you how to disappear from the Force. The first time you had seen a Vornskr. And the first time you had met one up close. It's yellow eyes reflecting the light in the dark. Its hot breath as it got closer and closer and finally your dad's knife that went right through its throat only inches away from your face. How he had held you and comforted you afterwards, carrying you back home. And then your mother's angry face. How she had shouted and scolded your father for not watching out. For not locking the door. But he had locked it. He had, it was your mother that came home late that had forgotten. You just wanted to go after your brother.

Her face when you corrected her. The face seething of anger for daring to say a word and then the worry that crept over it. Suddenly all you could see was fear from both of your parents. The lights of the village that all turned on. The adults leaving and searching. You didn't understand. It didn't make sense. Why did they go look for your brother? Why did they go look for him if he was already gone? It was too late now.

Your father and mother coming home a few hours later, carrying the now cold body of your older brother. It was bloody and parts were missing and his eyes looked just as dead and lifeless as they had when it was still warm. The Vornskr standing over it, enjoying its meal. You had watched it. Seen how it had ripped open your brother's throat. You weren't able to do anything. You had told your brother that it was dangerous to go outside. Especially for him.

He was just so... so bad at hiding. Not once had he won a game of hide and seek. Not once. And going out at night was like playing the most dangerous game of hide and seek, because the Vorskr didn't just shout 'found you'. No. They growled. They growled and they seemed to smile just before they ripped out your windpipe.

Your mother didn't say anything that night. She went away in the morning, back to the bigger city and worked. She worked so much you just got to see her on weekends. You didn't see her smile again. Not until you first got to see your younger brother. He was just as vulnerable and frail as your older one had been. Just much, much smaller. You knew you had to protect him.

Life flashed in front of your eyes again and the pain got worse. You could feel the sweat dripping down of your forehead onto your pants. You heard yourself wince.

Blood. There was so much blood on your hands. You held your father in your arms. He looked up at you but his face was just... it was gone. Not there. You couldn't see it properly. His hand moved up to your cheeks, wiping away the tears that were falling down onto his bloodied torso. You pressed your hand onto his wound, helplessly trying to stop the bleeding.

Again. Your mother's angry face. Why...why did you only see hers and never his? A distorted grimace that tried to defend herself from your accusations. Why. Why had she never shown you how to care for people? If she would have been there, if she would have taught you how to save him. She could have taught you, but no. Every time you had asked her to show you she didn't have time. She spent it differently. Every time you had brought home money by selling Vornskr pelts she had been mad. That it was the wrong choice for you. But she had never once made an attempt to teach you her ways. Not once.

If only...if only she would have. You could have saved him. But she hadn't. She had not even mourned, marrying her boss only a few months after your father's death. You saw a calendar. The day of the wedding marked in red with flowers painted around it. You saw your mother dressed in white, but you didn't see the ceremony. Instead you saw red again. The red blood of the Resistance fighters you killed. They had murdered your father. You murdered them.